3 Effective Parenting Techniques for Really Effective Parenting that Works to Produce Happy, Self-Disciplined Children and Teenagers

We have all heard and used the word “rules.” When you go to a swimming pool there are a list of rules, which tells the child or teenager what not to do: no running, no diving, no eating, no drinking, no horse play, no, no, no. Are you getting the picture? It’s like the child is thinking, “What can I do?”

Let’s use the example of your child riding a bike. You have a set of rules, like “You can’t ride your bike without a helmet, don’t cross the street and don’t go out of sight.” Also, most parents will offer things like “Be careful, don’t wipe out and don’t get hurt.” These offerings, which are sentimental to you, will steal from the child’s self-confidence.

Yes, we all choose for our children to be safe, wear their bike helmets and choose good options. The child would love to follow your lead…if they knew exactly what to do and if they then would get praised for it. I asked Thomas Liotta, my husband and the creator of Creating Champions for Life, what he could offer for effective parenting advice for good parents who would love to know how to empower their child while, at the same time, have the child choose parent approved decisions on their own.

Here are 3 effective parenting techniques that really work to produce self-disciplined children and teenagers.

1. Realize how smart your child is.

They are little geniuses wanting you to see their greatness. Your child always knows the answer to proper behavior. Instead of dictating to them, begin to ask them the right questions and you will get the right answers: “Little Timmy, what is the best way to keep yourself safe when you are riding on your bike? Do you need a life jacket, knee pads or a helmet?” Little Timmy will answer, “My helmet, Mom.” And he will go off, get his helmet and happily wear it. You make the decision, he makes the choice and everybody is happy. But, tell him to wear the helmet and oh boy, you will find a power struggle.

2. Know the reward.

Your young child is choosing to become independent. They have things which they feel are important to them and too often well-meaning parents dismiss what is important to the child. Begin to take note of what is important to your child by hearing the things that they ask for. This is their fuel for motivation. When you just buy kids things, you are hindering their inner motivation to do anything. When you know the reward, you have the ammunition you require to teach them how they can earn it by following your expectations.

3. Know and take on your role as a parent.

I asked over 300 parents this question, “What is your role as a parent?” The first answer I always received was a superficial one, “Umm...to make my kids happy.” Your role as a parent is to teach your child life skills. Design your job description as a parent by outlining, in writing, a daily schedule, a list of things that are important for you to teach them by the time they are 18, and a list of items important to your child. This way you can always say, “Yes, I would love for you to have that, be that and do that. Tell me what you are going to do to earn it.” Your job is not to buy them things; your job is to teach them life skills so they can have the best chance to succeed now and in their future relationships, careers and dreams.