Article

5 Important Tips to Help You Talk to Your Spouse about Money

Written by Pamela Lipe, MS, Licensed Psychologist

Topic: Therapy and CounselingPublished Recently added

Are you and your spouse worried about what’s happening with your savings, your pension, your children’s college funds, or just staying employed? Do you find yourself fearful of your futures together? Do you find yourselves disagreeing with your partner about how to weather this financial meltdown? Do you find yourselves arguing because one of you makes more money and feels like they have more control over how money is spent? When money gets tight as a result of reduced income or increased mortgage payments and is combined with financial fears of the future, those old money arguments (my money vs. your money) may be causing you problems again. It is time for the two of you to have discussions again about money.

In his book Love & Money, Jeff Opdyke says: “It’s not really about the money. It’s about creating another level of intimacy in your relationship and bestowing trust on each other.” He further recommends joint accounts for couples which explicitly demonstrates the trust you have with your spouse.

When we keep secrets from our spouse about how much we make, how we spend money, or even how much money we have, this indicates a measure of distrust in the other person. When times are tough like now, you need to trust and have faith in your legal and romantic partner. All your money and all your debts are consider joint by the state. If you are not considering them joint, you are losing out. You lose resources that your partner brings to solving financial problems. You lose a feeling of honesty about yourself. And you lose some ability to manage your family finances in the best way possible.

If the two of you are not quite ready to combine your accounts, at least try to agree on and be committed to the following:
1. Agree to live within your means, so that expenses do not exceed your income.
2. Agree to open, honest communication about money.
3. Promise not to blame one another, judge each other, or keep secrets about money.
4. Be prepared to listen to your partner and understand his/her perspective.
5. Don’t hit the panic button. Keep calm and work with the process.

You both need to be fully aware of the family gross and net income, to know where household (and individual) money goes each month and to know how much debt you have and the interest costs you are paying.

If you are unable to have a frank and open discussion about your money with your spouse, you may benefit from seeing a marriage counselor. The National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists (www.marriagefriendlytherapist.com) is a good resource for finding a therapist who is invested in helping you save your marriage. If you are unable to curb your spending, you might consider Debtors Anonymous, an organization for people trying to reduce debt and regain solvency.

It’s important to realize you are not alone. Many couples and families are struggling. Don’t let your marriage be a casualty of the worst financial disaster most of us have ever seen. You and your spouse are in this together. Get the help you need to keep your marriage stable and safe. Your marriage may be the most important investment you will ever have.

Article author

About the Author

Pamela Lipe is a Licensed Psychologist in Minnesota since 1989 and is the owner of Relationship Therapy St Paul. Hurting couples come to her to help them resolve problems that have brought them pain and distress. She has been trained by Drs. John & Julie Gottman at the University of Washington in Seattle, Washington. She uses the Gottman’s 30 years of research to teach couples the skills and attitudes that will make their marriage the best it can be. In addition, she has been trained by Dr. Brent Atkinson of The Couples Clinic in Geneva, Illinois. This training included cutting edge practices combining the extensive research of Dr. Gottman and recent brain research that informs us about how to change destructive relationship habits. She and her husband, Don Johnson, provide classes for couples to increase their skills. They teach couples how to communicate better, resolve conflicts, avoid unhealthy relationship patterns, and build intimacy. From there, couples can create the sound relationship they have always wanted. She was educated with a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology from Illinois State University. She has been trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing), TFT (Thought Field Therapy), cognitive behavioral therapy, family therapy, relationship therapy, DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and art therapy. She sees individuals who are suffering from anxiety, phobias, depression, bereavement, PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder), domestic violence, job change, and other life adjustment problems. You can find out more about Pam Lipe at www.PamLipe.com

Compassionate Postpartum Therapist NYC and Psychotherapy Experts Supporting Mental Wellness Across New York City with Care

Comprehensive Care for Adolescents in Fullerton

The Importance of Security Licence Training: A Comprehensive Guide

Revolutionize Your Health: Accessing Testosterone Boosters with Ease