Acceptance

I’ll call her Ann. I was forty minutes late for her appointment, and she launched into me like a Tommy gun, reminding me that her time as just as valuable as mine, and that she needed to be at work for an evaluation in twenty minutes. This followed a tirade of unpleasant remarks to any staff within earshot. There were no bonding smiles, only a lot of pain and anger.

I apologized, reminding her that a patient with a special problem needed more time and consideration than allotted in a routine visit, and that I could not and would not leave any patient in the middle of a necessary therapeutic encounter.

Before each visit that Ann and I have together, I must remember my own self-esteem, because unhappy people have a way of getting you to feel responsible for the lack of harmony – if you allow it. I remember our first visit. My history form includes a question about smoking, which if answered in the affirmative gives me entry into my smoking cessation lecture. Well, Ann let me know in no uncertain terms that it was not any of my business whether or not she smoked and she was not about to be lectured about a habit that she was not willing to give up.

Yet, Ann comes back year after year. And I think I know my divine purpose in our meetings: it is to love her unconditionally in her journey toward wholeness. Equally important, it is not to hold her in judgment for attitudes or behavior that may not be socially acceptable, or even unhealthy. She works hard as an advocate for troubled children, and has experienced her own personal challenges with her family.

Perhaps our role in each other’s lives is to be a witness and provide a safe, loving arena where little by little, the veneer of hardness surrounding our souls can be smoothed away, affirming the connection that each of us has to the other.