Afraid to Develop Self-Awareness? Fail in Your Relationships? Combat the Fear and Develop a Successful Relationship

There are many who, in spite of failing in their relationship over and over and again, are afraid to develop self-awareness and understand what makes them fail. This is unfortunate, since it is only when they will develop Self-Awareness and understand how they shoot themselves in the foot in relationships that they will be able to change whatever needs change and become empowered to cultivate a successful intimacy.

WHAT IS SELF-AWARENESS?

Self-awareness is a process by which you get to know and understand yourself better. In the process you look inwards and pay attention to your thoughts, attitudes and feeling about partners and relationships. You also observe your interactions with your partner (if you have one; or in retrospect observe yourself in previous relationships).

As you observe and pay attention you become aware of what made you sabotage your relationships: your needs and fears, belief-system and fantasies, all of which you might have not been aware of until now. As you develop Self-Awareness you can understand how all these – and other factors – have taken control over your attitudes, reactions and behaviors and drove you to harm your relationships (or stay without one).

AS LONG AS YOU DON’T DEVELOP SELF-AWARENESS YOU KEEP HARMING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

As long as you are not aware of these factors and the ways they influence your interactions with your partner, you continue reacting and behaving in your relationships the same way you have until now. You just don’t know better and don’t realize how you shoot yourself in the foot over and over again. Not being aware keeps you repeating your “mistakes” without you knowing what you do wrong.

WHY MIGHT YOU BE AFRAID TO DEVELOP SELF-AWA
ENESS?

If you keep harming your relationships (or your attempts at having one) and haven’t yet taken the steps necessary to become aware, it might well mean that you – like many others – are afraid to develop Self-Awareness. Why is it so? What might you be afraid of?

1) Consciously or unconsciously you might be afraid to consider the possibility that you don’t know yourself well enough. Being certain that you know “who you are” makes you feel good about yourself. Thinking that maybe you don’t know yourself well enough might you’re your ego.

2) You might be afraid to look inwards and observe yourself. It is possible that you have read books about relationships, attended workshops, even sought some short-term counselling. But all in all, to become aware of how you sabotage your own relationships is scary. It is easier to believe you needed to learn some communication and listening skills, rather than to acknowledge that something in you – your needs, fears, expectations, belief-system, fantasies and the like – exert power over your attitudes, reactions and behaviors and drive you to harm your relationships.

3) You might be afraid to develop Self-Awareness due to the fact that you lack courage to look inside (and find out things about yourself you prefer not to know), and in addition lacking the courage to initiate any change in your situation. You think you “know who you are” and you are already “used to the situation you are in”; making a change is a scary thought. You don’t know “who you will become” and what situation you will find yourself in.
So you prefer to stay with “the known and familiar” (even though it is an unsatisfying one) rather than initiating any change.

4) You might be afraid that becoming aware means: you will stop being “who you are” and will turn into a person who is not spontaneous; one who thinks and analyzes everything. “This is not me”, you say to yourself, “this is not a person I would like to be!”
The truth is, that if you develop Self-Awareness you will not become “another person”; you will not become not-spontaneous. You will just get to know and understand yourself better, thus being able to stop self-sabotaging behaviors, thoughts and attitudes and become able to consciously choose other, vital to cultivating a successful relationship.

5) You might be afraid that developing Self-Awareness is a process which requires hard work and much time. You don’t have this time, you tell yourself, you must find a partner now! But if you haven’t been successful at establishing a satisfying relationship until now, in spite of having made all possible attempts, it might mean that as long as you don’t develop Self-Awareness and understand what made you fail until now you will keep sabotaging one relationship after another. In short, time spent on developing Self-Awareness is not only time worth spending, but it might also shorten your way to finding the relationship you so much desire.

OVERCOMING YOUR FEAR AND DEVELOPING SELF-AWARENESS IS VITAL TO DEVELOPING A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP

Taking the time to develop your Self-Awareness is a worthwhile investment in yourself. It will help you realize things about yourself you haven’t known until now, enable you to understand how you have sabotaged your relationships (or lack of) until now, how to stop this cycle from recurring and what you need to change in order to succeed at developing a satisfying bond.