Are You Caught In Comfortable Misery?

Are you in a bad situation that you wish would just go away? Maybe it is a relationship that is not working out or a boring dead-end job. Perhaps, it is your small, cramped apartment. You are unhappy and frustrated and complain about how terrible it is, but you don’t take action. You won’t change. You feel stuck, and you are. You are caught in comfortable misery.

Comfortable misery is a situation that you don’t like, but one to which you have grown accustomed. It is like old, comfortable shoes. They are not attractive, but you keep wearing them out of habit. If you bought new ones, you would have to go through all the trouble of breaking them in. What if they pinched? What if they hurt? What if you didn’t like them? Perhaps it is better to just stay with what you have. Why take a chance?

Comfortable misery is when you are miserable, but you are used to it. You know the limits and bounds of this misery and that you can tolerate a situation this bad because you do it every day. The problem is that trying to get out of comfortable misery is frightening. You could make a change, but then what? You’re tempted by the hope that things could get better, but paralyzed by the fear that they could get worse. You wonder, “If it got worse could I stand it?” You think, “If I change I might create something even more miserable. I could jump from the frying pan into the fire. Maybe it is better to stay like I am. At least I know I can tolerate it.”

This type of thinking holds you back and keeps you stuck. While you are miserable, you are not miserable enough to change. How miserable do you have to get?

You can wait until your situation becomes a crisis, and you are impelled to act, but this isn’t the best way to change. It is better to take responsibility and plan your action. Look around. What are your choices? What can you do? Be realistic about your resources and possible outcomes. Anticipate what might go wrong and be prepared for it. Accept the fact that you might be somewhat more uncomfortable as you go through the change process, but be optimistic. Hold on to the expectation that things will improve.

Which is better —quick and intense or slow and steady? Think of a Band-Aid that you need to remove. Do you pull it off quickly to get it over with, or do you slowly remove it, so as not to hurt yourself? Slow and steady can actually be more painful. Quick will also hurt, but it is soon over.

Comfortable misery is slow and steady. Over time, it can be very distressing, as misery gradually increases in intensity. Action is the best remedy for comfortable misery. It may be temporarily unpleasant as you change, but life can get much better when you are no longer stuck. You can jump out of the frying pan with its slow burn and over the fire. You can leap in to a new opportunity —a new possibility.

Remember: you have the power of choice. Take a chance. You only have your misery to lose.