Are YOU The Reason Why You Suffer?

I have a good friend that recently decided to move her family back to her home state. To save money, she and her husband decided to live with her mom and dad temporarily. They both found jobs, and everything was looking good for them. She then began putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on herself. She set unrealistic deadlines for herself to save a certain amount of money and to find an acceptable apartment in a quality school district. Though she could stay with her parents for as long as she chose, she began driving herself crazy trying to keep up with her own unrealistic expectations on when things should happen. She even began judging herself for living with her parents once again.

This is a great example of suffering. In this situation, all my friend sees is that she may not be able to do things exactly in the way that she wishes and she is feeling oppressed by all of the things she imagines she must do. She could not see that she was causing her own suffering. The situation was what it was, and she chose to take steps to change it, which makes sense. However, her unrealistic expectations of herself caused her to suffer though she was in a good situation.

Suffering is that feeling of distress that we feel. It’s the feeling of not being in control, of being victimized, and of lack. When we are suffering, we either feel like someone is making us feel a certain way, or we feel like we can’t do the things we want to do when we want to do them. Regardless of the reason why we suffer, we must see that we cause much of our own suffering.

When we have an illness, it’s often not the illness that causes us our discomfort, but how we think about that illness. Many people have a way they believe they must be sick. They may believe that they have to act and speak a certain way, they must take certain medications, and of course, they must be miserable throughout the entire process. The illness may simply cause congestion, coughing, sneezing, and a runny nose. The rest we create in our minds. You can be sick without suffering through it.

The same was true of my friend. I listened to her as she told me about how difficult things were for her and her family, about how awful it is that she has to resort to living with her parents again, and how she feels like she is failing the people she loves. I then told her that she could do everything she is doing without suffering through it. She can search for a good school system, find an appropriate apartment, and save money without suffering through it. Her thoughts of not doing these things caused her to suffer while doing them. I also reminded her that not everyone has the option of living with his or her parents rent-free for any amount of time. In her suffering, she was not appreciative of an opportunity she has that most of my friends do not. The result was that she stopped suffering, did what needed to be done, and moved into her apartment, which is located in a good school system a few weeks later.

We do not need to suffer. There is nothing missing from our lives and nothing more we really need. If we have shelter, food, clothing, and clean water, we are better than the majority of the people that live in the world today. Beyond our life necessities, we are creating our own problems, and treating them as if our lives depend on them. When we understand that our life needs are taken care of, we do not need to suffer through everything else we choose to do in our lives. We can do that which we have chosen to do with full expression, AND without suffering through it.