Authenticity

All of the components of the engagement stance are important, but if you miss out on authenticity, you will have a hard time establishing credibility. When someone you speak with lacks authenticity, it feels manipulative, even if there is no evidence of manipulation.

Think of a time when you complimented someone and came back later and asked them for a favor. Sometimes, the person doesn't connect the compliment with the favor, and sometimes they believe that the compliment was inauthentic, and was given just to "set up" the favor. The immediate reaction is to think that it varies with the other person - but the real variable is your credibility with that person.

When we describe a person as having "integrity", we are describing the integration of their words and their actions - do they "walk their talk". People that are authentic are viewed as credible because they don't say they will do one thing and then do another. They may not always do what you want them to, but they do what they say.

Credibility and integrity both have their roots in authenticity, which is why it is so important to good communication.

To check your authenticity, you must be introspective and thorough in your consideration. Impusiveness may come naturally to you, but if you change your mind frequently (especially without new evidence) as impulsive people often do, you will lose credibility. You needn't always be sure, but you must always be thoughtful - so you may need to learn to recognize when you are being impulsive in order to become more effective.

This means that that you express your views with the actual degree of certainty that you have. It is ok to be tentative - in fact, it is preferable to say "I am not sure that I am right about this, but the way I see it is....." if you are unsure.

If you find yourself having many regrets, you are probably not being authentic. If you are, then you have to work on developing your judgement. People with adequate judgement that are authentic in their approach to life seldom have many regrets.