Becoming Myself

I remember going to hear motivational speakers in my early 20’s when my life was a mess. Every time I would leave, I would feel just a little worse, a little more deflated, a little “less than.” No matter how motivating a speaker was, I always felt like I had missed the boat- I did not move fast enough and my time had passed. I went to most of these seminars through various jobs that I held, jobs that did not match any skill set that I possessed. So, I would go to hear people talk about how to achieve success and find happiness, and I would leave disheartened knowing that I would never be able to attain any level of happiness because I certainly did not have "what it took.”
I had an incredibly unusual talent when I was young. I had the gift of influence as well as great intuition for understanding what other people wanted to hear. So, I would walk into a job interview and find the words to match what I knew they wanted. I could almost always get any job for which I sat down to interview. The problem with this particular talent was that I did not have any clue what I really liked to do. I could not figure out how anything I was good at could translate into a job. I had a very strong spiritual pull and a wonderful gift of gab but becoming a pastor or preacher held absolutely no appeal. I did want to be in the business world, but there were no ads for spiritual gurus in the help wanted section.
So, I did what countless other Americans probably do on a regular basis, I tried on many hats. Most jobs gravitated towards the sales end of the spectrum. Although that might have worked nicely given my natural abilities, I never seemed to find a job selling anything that I cared even remotely about. So, I ended up hating every job.
I began to feel more and more like a failure, never realizing that maybe I had just failed to find a job on the outside that matched who I was in the inside. The odd thing was, in my life I was actually doing the things that I eventually “became.” I had an affinity for helping people find their strengths and make changes for the better. My own experience with change and my understanding natural laws about human behavior were tremendously helpful to my friends and family when it came to assisting them.
I recently watched a show on television about addiction. The counselor said “we are working at helping people make behavioral changes, so eventually they will match on the inside what they do on the outside.” Well, I am the first to admit that I am not a trained addiction specialist, so who am I to judge whether or not this process works. However, I know that in my own life the only thing that I ever found motivating was changing how I viewed and felt about myself. When I started feeling that I worth finding work I that I liked, I started making different work choices.
The truth is, I was the one putting the limitations on the sources of my income. I was operating on a paradigm that work had to be “hard,” and you could not make money doing what you loved. I would become uncomfortable in those motivational seminars, because deep inside I knew that I was not truly living my own dreams, I had taken on dreams that I felt would look good to “them.” Not that “they” really existed, but whoever “they” were, I seemed to make huge decisions based on what I thought they might think.
Dr. Wayne Dyer has a line that I love. He says, “Free yourself from the good opinions of others.” I think this idiom, coupled with the act of putting yourself first, is the most empowering thing we can do as a human race.
Perhaps it sounds selfish, putting yourself first. It is certainly nothing we have much formal training to do. I know so many people who feel guilty even when they relax! However, if you conce
yourself with others first, there is no guarantee that anyone will ever be happy. If you keep your focus on your own happiness, then you can ensure that at least one person is. I love the rules of the airplane; you have to put on your own face mask before you can help anyone else.
I recall in my twenties hearing a speaker say “if you are not moving forward, you are falling behind.” That sent me into a tailspin of depression and self loathing. Now, I believe that sometimes, the best way to go forward is just to stay still and pay attention. The Earth is going to continue to move, so the only way I can really fall behind is if I go in the wrong direction. Sometimes, the best way to find your way is just to be where you are and allow it to come to you.
Now I no longer feel deflated when I hear a good motivational speech. I realize I certainly do have “what it takes,” I just had to step into the right arena. n