Beyond The Fear

I have lost my beloved friend Mary-Lee Barker. She died Thanksgiving weekend and I have been experiencing the grief fully.

My intense relationship with my emotional and spiritual self has guided me to the river of healing. Mary-Lee’s death has taken me to the death of a perception that lived in me; the acknowledgment of fear that was seeded within since birth. I see that my fear of being alone or the separation to source was buried deep, just like the fear my mother felt. She was pregnant with three babies and not knowing if they would survive because of her RH-negative blood.

Mary-Lee’s death is showing me my fear and today I can hold it with compassion. Like Mary-Lee, the fear of living fully or the fear of death lived fully in me.

I was born a triplet and the miracle was that we were blessed with our father’s RH-positive blood type. Our birth weight of three pounds went down to one pound within the first day. I would stop breathing, turning blue and our doctor intuitively put us in one incubator, placing me in between my two sisters…they kicked me to stay alive.

I faced death at birth and the fear was alive in me as I fought for my life.

Today I allow my fear to evolve into the truth that I do not have to believe I am separate from my source of love within.

This I realized in the past but today I desire to release the experience from a cellular level that is resurfacing from my unconscious mind.

As fear takes hold in darkness, I breathe now fully into this place of separation and feel the faith of love (that is God) connecting in me.

My loved ones can remind and support me, and yet the journey is mine to discover the truth and find my way to the source of love that is waiting to be connected.