Breaking The Chains of Violence

Educating the next generation to make positive choices regarding healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Domestic violence and abuse continues from generation to generation. Children who witness domestic violence in the home have a 50% chance of experiencing some sort of abuse as adults - whether they become abusive or become abused, either way, they will see it as "normal". Our youth are our future, and we as adults, need to take an active interest in teaching them what constitutes a healthy or unhealthy relationship.

I was 16 when my abuser hit me for the first time. Although I had family members tell me to "stay away from him", or "leave him alone because I don't like him", there was no one to really explain to me that what he was doing was wrong. If there was a psychologist in my high school in the 1980s, I didn't know anything about it.

Teens today have access to a lot more technology tha
I did as a kid - cell phones, computers, etc., not to mention that they have become de-sensitized to violence through what they're exposed to in the media, as well as the internet. Teens these days are exposed to cyber-bullying, sexting and extreme peer pressure. I had an experience about a year ago in NYC family court where I talked to a mother whose daughter was arrested and charged with "Promoting Child Pornagraphy" because she took nude pictures of herself and emailed them to a teenage boy in her high school.

Although I am far from my teenage years, I still remember what it was like to be a teenager and the growing pains that came with it.

As a parent and as a survivor of DV, it was my obligation to break the chains of violence by teaching my children about healthy and unhealthy relationships and giving them the tools to make responsible decisions for themselves. Although they were exposed to family violence as infants, I had to keep my eye on them to make sure they were not exhibiting any abusive behaviors. I made sure to impress upon my children (now 23, 22 and 16) that they have rights when it comes to dating and relationships:

They have a right to:

Ask for a dater
Refuse a dater
Suggest activitiesr
Refuse any activities, even if my date is excited about themr
Have my own feelings and be able to express themr
Say, "I think my friend is wrong and his/her actions are inappropriate"
Tell someone not to interrupt mer
Have my limits and values respectedr
Tell my partner when I need affectionr
Refuse affectionr
Be heardr
Refuse to lend moneyr
Refuse sex any time, for any reasonr
Have friends and space aside from my partner

I have the responsibility to:
Determine my limits and values
Respect the limits of others
Communicate clearly and honestly
Not violate the limits of others
Ask for help when I need it
Be considerate
Check my actions and decisions to determine whether they are good or bad for me
Set high goals for myself