Business Speaking: Why You Resist Getting Better And What To Do About It

Resistance usually comes from fear in some form (anxiety, worry, caution, or outright panic). But sometimes fear is a false alarm. It's just our "reptilian brain" telling us to watch out. That's how we're wired - and have been since cave people days. Consider the possibility that YOUR fearful feeling may be just a physical response to change. So it's not about logic. It's not about strength of character. It's just your brain doing a perfectly normal thing. Here's How It Works The oldest part of your brain is always working to protect you. Our systems are designed to keep us safe. And the best way to stay safe is to follow familiar, known paths where you've already seen there is no danger. So when something new comes up, your brain fires up warnings. Your glands respond by preparing you to fight, flee or freeze. Now you're all charged up with adrenaline so you're physically able to fight or flee if you need to. You're ready to deal with a life-threatening event. Your body is mobilized to help you out, but that pounding heart and trembling from adrenaline have some crummy consequences. You're more likely to feel jumpy, anxious, and irritable. If you're facing a life-threatening situation, that's no big deal. But if it's just a false alarm, those feelings are a problem. When It's A False Alarm It's easy to think that fight-or-flight response applies only to real threats to your safety. But research shows that you experience this response any time you encounter a situation that is new or in some way challenging. - or even think about it! The response may be at a low level, but it happens to everyone in some form. That reptilian brain kicks in with the perfect solution by saying to you: "Don't change a thing. Stop what you're doing (or thinking about doing). Stick to what you know. Don't try anything new. That's the way to get rid of your discomfort." See the problem here? This means that your most natural response to trying anything new (including speaking up), is to resist it. Your brain and body are designed to back you up in resisting. The Good News It doesn't have to stay like this. You can re-train your body and mind. Here's how:

• Acknowledge the uncomfortable emotions. Denial doesn't make them go away. And self-blame just increases the problem.
• Accept your resistance as a natural physical process- even be grateful for it!
• Gently push past the urge to stop and go ahead with your new plan.

Each time you do this, you're training your brain to accept your NEW behavior as familiar. That means the next time your flight-or-fight response won't be as big. Your resistance won't be as big. You're forming new neural pathways in your brain - new road maps. Now you have it in your own experience, your own history, that your new venture can be survived. Great! A Bigger Challenge Sometimes effectively dealing with fear is more complicated. If you have past experiences that fortify your fear response, it may take more than gentle pushing past resistance. Here's where mind-body techniques like EFT can be so helpful - to actually eliminate the cause of that larger fear. It's the rapid-change technique I use to help clients become relaxed speakers.