Can You Be Friends If They Think You Are Faking Your Illness?

Living with a chronic illness that has no visual signs can be more of an emotional struggle than a physical struggle at times. Accepting one's own illness is a step that most people come to terms with it at some point; because, in order to have the best life one can, one needs to be educated on the disease and treat it to the best of his or her ability.

Making those we care about accept it, or even acknowledge it, is out of our control. The skepticism of others about our illness may last a lifetime and cause deep wounds; our relationships and even our own self-worth suffer.

So, what you do when someone important in your life refuses to acknowledge the seriousness of your disease, or accept that the disease even exists? Here are four steps to change your actions and attitudes:

1. Go with it. Your life feels very serious right now, but don't take your situation too seriously when around your friend. Unfortunately there is not a magical talk you can have that will make him instantly change his mind about your health situation. Most likely, the only way for him to rethink his perception of your illness is for him to observe you and your typical activities. Though your illness may be invisible, he may start to witness some visible symptoms. Perhaps you may have some new limitations, like being unable to walk a long distance; and rather than explaining what you can and cannot do, he might just see it.

2. Grow with it. Use this as a time to reflect on your own perceptions of people. When you are standing in line at the store and become irritated because "Surely no one here knows how hard it is just for me to stand!" think twice. Nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA have a chronic illness and about 96% of it is invisible, so the odds are that someone in line likely is experiencing the same chronic pain and fatigue. Also, what situations are your friends experiencing that you don't understand? A child with a disability, the affair of a spouse, the loss of a job-all are life-altering and the odds are that your friends could use your empathy and support during this time.

3. Get over it. It is easy to obsess over the fact that no one understands what your daily chronic pain is like. Save yourself a lot of grief and don't do it. We would all like a loved one to be able to slip inside are skin for twenty-four hours, but this level of understanding of our disease will never occur. If you began to resent people who don't understand, soon all your friendships will be tainted. Do not take a friend's lack of empathy personally, even though it feels personal. You cannot change someone's mind; you can only control your own behavior, so make certain you have conversations that you won't regret.

4. Get on with it. Life is precious and short and no material things in your life can replace friends and family. It is true that the intimacy level in your relationship will not ever be high if your illness is not at least believed to exist. But if you still want a relationship, and it's a healthy one in other ways, it can happen.

The odds are, at some point in your friend's life, a health issue will occur and suddenly he will have a glimpse into what your life is like. Allow him to feel comfortable coming to you for support and encouragement and don't use the opportunity to say, "I told you so."

Go with it. Grow with it. Get over it. Get on with it.

Relationships with those who don't understand the seriousness of your illness can exist. Be positive, accepting him for what he's able to give to the relationship, and have reasonable expectations. Someday, this may prove to be one of your most special friendships.