Are You Relationship Ready?

So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly old enough and movingnwell along your chosen career path. Many of your friends are either married nor in committed relationships. You have grown weary of the singles scenen and the solitary life. Therefore, you must be ready, right?

Not necessarily.

So what is relationship readiness anyway? Exactly what it says. You arenadequately capable of handling the commitment and challenges that anhealthy, intimate relationship requires.

How do you know if you are ready? What are the characteristics you neednto have or acquire in order to be ready for true love?

There are four primary areas that you should explore in order to assessnyour present state of readiness.

1. Take an inventory of past traumas and related major issues.

You should mentally review these and honestly look at how well you nhave already addressed and resolved them.

As you work through each, ask yourself, "Is this impacting me negativelynin my present life." Also explore with yourself the possibility that thenissue could become problematic once you have entered into an intimatenrelationship.

If you believe that there are things you have not yet adequately dealt with, you nneed to go to work on these. If you are unsure, then they bear close
examination. Consider utilizing resources such as therapy or joining a nsupport group.

An example of such issues can include, but not be limited to;nemotional, physical or sexual abuse in childhood, parents' divorce, lossnof a parent or other loved one, or a past abusive or dysfunctional lovenrelationship.

2. How's your self-awareness and self-esteem?

If you do not possess adequate self knowledge and a positive sense of self; nan intimate relationship will be difficult or impossible to sustain.

For instance, do you know yourself well enough to answer the following?

Can you state your most deeply held values?
Do you know what you can't live with or without in a relationship?
Do you have a good grasp of your life goals?
Do you know your own strengths and weaknesses?

Now, do a quick assessment of your self-esteem.

How do you see yourself?
How do others see you?
Remember you present different selves:nat worknwith familynwith friendsnin gatherings with acquaintances

If your answers tell you that you have difficulty accepting and likingnyourself, or if others frequently respond negatively to you in you
interactions with them, then this is an area you should begin work on.
Self-love is at the foundation of all healthy relationships.

3. Are your past relationships really in the past?

If we don't get adequate closure on painful experiences/issues fromnpast relationships, we are at risk of bringing them into present andnfuture relationships in order to relive and resolve them.

Therefore, it's important to know that you have dealt adequately withnany significant hurt or loss and have learned from any dysfunctionalndynamics you may have contributed to.

If you find yourself slipping into unhealthy patterns in your thoughts or
Behaviors as they relate to others; stop, identify, and then deal withnthat leftover issue.

4. Do you know what you want from a relationship?

We enter into relationships for many different reasons and with many ndifferent expectations. Knowing what yours are will help you tondetermine if this is the right relationship for you.

Too often we "choose" someone using an unconscious level of thoughtnas our primary input. It is there that we hold our deepest unmet needs,nfears and desires. Unfortunately, there is often a chasm between ournconscious and unconscious selves that keeps this informatio

"hidden" from our rational and thinking side.

Therefore, it is very important to examine all of your feeling and needsnregarding any future relationship. Honestly look at what you must havenand cannot live without.

You must know what you want and need from a future partner in orde
to choose the right one for you.

Now, spend some time exploring these four important areas before younenter into a serious romantic relationship. By doing so, you will benhelping to ensure that your new relationship will be a healthy andnlasting one.