Communicating Effectively: 30 Quick Tips

1. Begin to notice your self-talk and how it impacts your communication.

2. Follow the 6 steps to changing your negative self-talk described earlier in the book. They are:
• Increase awareness of your self-talkn • Ask yourself, “Whose voice is this?”n • Challenge or dispute these beliefs or thoughtsn • Replace or reframe these beliefs or thoughtsn • Repeat this process as neededn • Use positive self-talk on a regular basis

3. Respond rather than react in your interactions. This involves staying in the here-and-now and responding as appropriate to the current conversation rather than automatically reacting based on old experiences. Turn off your automatic pilot.

4. Increase your awareness of how your body language is impacting your interactions. What message might your facial expression or body posture be sending to the other person?

5. Ensure your body language and other non-verbal communication matches your words.

6. Are you standing too close or too far from someone when talking to them? Be alert to cues from the other person as to what is comfortable for them in regards to personal space.

7. How does the layout of the environment and where each person is standing or sitting in relation to each other impact the conversation? Is there a desk between you that is creating more than a physical obstacle to your interaction? Is one of you dominating the other by standing over them?

8. Ensure your body language is open and inviting and letting the other person know you are paying attention and focused on them.

9. Maintain appropriate eye contact.

10. Use encouragers, such as “uh huh” and “yes”, to indicate that you are listening and to encourage the speaker to continue.

11. Quiet your mind while listening to someone else. Remember you can’t listen to yourself and them at the same time.

12. Avoid rehearsing your response. Trust that you will remember what you want to say when it is your turn to speak. Stay in the present and know that you will be able to respond as needed.

13. Paraphrase (reflect) back to the other person what you have heard her say in your own words without judgment or interpretation.

14. Remember to limit your own talking when listening to someone else. Keep the focus on the person who is speaking.

15. If you don’t understand what someone has said and need clarification, ask rather than assume.

16. Use primarily open-ended questions to open up and encourage communication.

17. Allow silence after you ask a question so that the other person has time to consider his response before answering. Don’t keep repeating the question or offering possible responses. Give the person a chance to answer.

18. Increase awareness of the most common ways that you don’t listen and take steps toward eliminating them.

19. Take time to think about what you want to say before you speak. It is okay to let the other person know that you need a minute to collect your thoughts.

20. What is your intention in saying what you are about to say? This will help you formulate your message in a way that best achieves your intention. It also helps to ensure that your intention is one that you can achieve and is within your power.

21. Ensure that it is the right time and right place to hold your conversation. Can the other person take time to listen to you at this time? Is the location private enough or quiet enough to discuss this particular topic?

22. Introduce the topic when starting a conversation. Remember that the other person is not in your head and was not present when you were formulating what you were planning to say. They were also not on the telephone or in the meeting that you were just in and their attention and focus is not likely on the same topic as yours is.

23. Own what you say by using “I” statements which describe what you personally are thinking, feeling or experiencing. Avoid using phrases such as “most people”, “we” or “you” which can arouse defensiveness or make people feel blamed or attacked.

24. Keep your messages clear, concise and concrete. The more specific your message is the less likely that confusion and misinterpretation will occur.

25. Don’t hint or beat around the bush and expect others to read your mind. Come right out and just say it. Be direct and to the point.

26. Ask for feedback to confirm that your listener has correctly heard what you have said and if you are the listener provide feedback to the person who is talking regarding what you have heard them say. This helps ensure that you are both on the same path and talking about the same thing.

27. Assertive communication is direct, respectful and honest and encourages healthy and open relationships. Practice being assertive in what you personally perceive as low risk situations first.

28. Remember “no” is a complete sentence.

29. Whenever you say “yes” to something, remember you are saying “no” to something else. So when you feel pushed to say “yes”, ask yourself what you are giving up or letting go. For example, if you say “yes” to completing one more project at work, are you saying “no” to spending time with your family?

30. Remember you can’t be listening to yourself and listening to someone else at the same time and you cannot be talking to yourself and talking to someone else at the same time. Get out of your own head, and the other person’s head, and simply be present in the conversation as it unfolds in the here-and-now. Respond to the interaction as it happens. Trust in yourself and know that you can communicate effectively as is needed whether that is through appropriate body language, active listening or speaking clearly.