Communication is a two way street!

We live in the communication age. We can talk to each other faster and easier than ever before. We have cell phones, blogs, e-mail, and social networks like facebook and twitter. There are so many new ways to communicate. So why is it that we have so much trouble communicating?

It seems to me that we’re all talking, but no one is listening. We write our opinion or post our status or send a text or e-mail, but we don’t actually talk anymore. I remember when answering machines first came out and everyone HATED leaving a message. Now, we call people when we KNOW they won’t answer so we CAN leave a message.

All of our conversations are one sided these days. Everyone’s shouting and no one is listening. Don’t get me wrong, I love facebook and this article will be published on my blog and several other places online. It’s great that we have so many tools to share our thoughts and ideas. It’s a gift and a great equalizer.
We just need to remember that communication is a two way street.

Truthfully, it’s hard even when it goes both ways. How many of you have had a misunderstanding in the last month? It happens all the time. The problem is that language and communication is complex business.

There are all sorts of barriers that get in the way of good communication even when you’re talking face to face.

I remember when Bryan and I started dating and my computer blew up (again). Since he knew a lot about computers, he tried to fix it. After awhile, he said, “I don’t know. I think we’re going to have to call Dale and see what they say.”

I said, “Who?”

He said, “Dale!”

We went round and round with this for about ten minutes. I kept thinking who is this Dale guy he wants to call? I couldn’t figure it out.

Finally, out of frustration, he said, “the company you bought the computer from!”

I went, “OHHHH! You mea
Dell!” See I’m from Michigan and he’s from Louisiana. Being from different parts of the country, we speak the same language, but we use it in a different way.

It’s like that everywhere. I’ll give you another one. In the south, it is expected and appropriate to call people “sir” and “ma’am”. Up north, it makes us feel old. In fact, it offends us. A southerner is just being polite and respectful. They use those terms so they don’t insult someone.

It’s not just cultural differences that cause problems. Sometimes it’s our past experience, a certain situation, or physical differences. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Communication is hard and it’s complex. We need to use every resource at our disposal to do it well whether we’re doing it online, over the phone or in person.

One thing you can do is called the “mirror technique”. That’s when you mirror back what is said to you. This is great for when you’re dealing with someone who is upset. It could be an employee or a customer. It could be your spouse for that matter. The goal is to clarify what they say to you.

Let me give you a simple example. You’re a manager of a store and you have an employee that is upset because they asked for a day off and you can’t give it to them. In fact, you had to give the day off to someone else. The first employee comes to you angry and upset. They say that you were being unfair and favoring the other employee. The conversation may go something like this…

“I can’t believe you gave Susie Saturday off and not me. That’s totally unfair.”

“You feel cheated that she got the day off and you didn’t.”

“Yes.”

“You think I’m playing favorites.”

…and it would go on from there. Notice that I didn’t just repeat what the other person said, but clarified it in my own words. Be careful that you don’t just parrot what they say or they will think you’re mocking them.

When you mirror what they say, you’re confirming that you heard them and it validates them. It also takes the wind out of them when they’re looking for a fight. The key to it is you are required to listen. Most of our misunderstandings would be resolved if we all listened more and shouted less.