Create a Harmonious Relationship

Harmonious relationships are the result of inner work, love and deep respect for ourselves and the other.

Below are some simple basic guidelines for that process

1. Take full responsibility for our reality. We are the sole creators of our thoughts and feelings. No one can create our happiness, security or self-worth.

2. Free the other from any responsibility for our reality. We need to consciously forgive the other and free all others for any responsibility for the reality, which we have created.

3. Perceive the other as our teacher and learn through both his and her positive and negative attributes. We learn to emulate the positive and understand, accept and deal with the negative.

4. Understand what lessons we need to learn through the other’s behaviors, which annoy us. (A future article will discuss this.)

5. Learn to communicate more effectively with other with I-messages where we express our needs clearly and assertively without accusing, criticizing, complaining or threatening.

6. Understand and accept the other’s:n a. Needs (such as: affection, love, approval, freedom, respect, unity) n b. Beliefs (such as: I am in danger, I am not worthy, My freedom is in danger)n c. Reactions

7. Do not speak to third persons about our loved one, but only directly to him or her. (Except of course to a counselor)

8. Participate in groups for the purpose of self-knowledge and creating interpersonal harmony.

9. See a professional counselor alone or together.

10. Participate in each other’s activities.

11. Express love and admiration such as:n a. Gratitude for help and service.n b. Acknowledgment of what the other does.n c. Recognition of the other’s abilities, qualities and virtues.n d. Love and appreciation.

12. Meet regularly for communication on all levels. This is best done on a weekly basis.

13. Daily visualize the other in light and send love. Bring to mind five of the other’s positive qualities or abilities. Visualize a harmonious loving relationship. We cannot create what we cannot first imagine.

Twenty one positive beliefs about relationships:

1. Relationships are opportunities for evolution into love and freedom from the ego.
2. They are a means towards our life purpose.
3. Our self-worth and security are within us and do not depend on being in a relationship.
4. We are free as long as I love.
5. Relationships are opportunities to merge our will with the other thus creating a greater reality.
6. It is natural that we support, inspire and affirm each other.
7. We can be ourselves when we are free from fear.
8. Mutual love and respect are the basis of all conscious love relationships.
9. We all deserve lasting love and respect.
10. We are safe and secure even when we are alone.
11. We need not prove that we are right - love (rather than being "right") attracts love.
12. We allow each other the freedom to be ourselves.
13. We are worthy of love and respect exactly as we are.
14. The more we know each other, the more we want to be together.
15. We love each other even when we cannot fulfill each other’s needs.
16. We each create our own reality.
17. Together we create the reality of our relationship.
18. We are equal.
19. Close relationships are beautiful.
20. We are never hurt by the other, but only by our own fears, attachments, needs and expectations.
21. We sacrifice our needs out of love for each other - not out of fear or duty. nn(Adapted from the forthcoming "Relationships of Conscious Love" by Robert Elias Najemy)