Creating Outcomes through Self-Leadership and Communication

There is an old saying in the field of interpersonal communication, which is “you cannot not communicate.” Even if you are “saying nothing,” your facial expressions, your body language, even your eye contact (or lack thereof) convey something to the other that they take in and interpret. As a corporate executive once observed to me, “I cannot scratch my head without people around me wondering what it means.” When it comes to the realities of creating outcomes, something similar can be said: “You cannot not create.” The question is, are you creating consciously and intentionally or are you creating by reacting to what is going on around you? Either way, you are creating outcomes than have intended and, perhaps, unintended consequences. One classic example of creating reactively can be found in the “Abilene Paradox” of Jerry B. Harvey, Professor Emeritus of Management at George Washington University. Drawing on his life experience, he tells the story of sitting on the porch on a hot Texas mid-summer day, playing dominoes with his wife and in-laws when his father-in-law casually suggests they all get in the car to drive to Abilene for dinner. (It’s important to note that Abilene was 53 miles away and there was no air conditioning in the car, which Harvey referred to as “the furnace.”) Everyone, in turn, agreed with the idea – even though each and every one of them thought the idea was a bad one, but choose to not say so. Therefore, by not saying anything to the contrary, all engaged in the form of reacting that The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) refers to as “freezing.” The outcome was a hot and dusty 100+ mile trip for a mediocre-at-best dinner from which everyone returned exhausted and cranky. According to Wikipedia, the Abilene Paradox is a situatio “in which a group of people collectively decide on a course of action that is counter to the preferences of any of the individuals in the group.” That was the unintended consequence: creating an outcome that nobody really wanted. I’m sure you can think of your own experiences in which you have reacted to something that occurred in your life – whether it was to “fight, flight, or freeze” – only to find yourself then having to deal with outcomes that resulted from the reaction. Every action we take sets a ripple effect into motion. Why not “pay it forward” in ways that are purposeful and positive? My dad was a traveling salesman, driving countless miles along Midweste highways and byways. His favorite bumper sticker read “Courtesy is Contagious,” which he posted on his bumper and sought to live – and drive – by. He knew that road rage sparks road rage and that alte atively, courtesy gets passed on to others. As a creator, you create outcomes in your life by the choices you make, both in envisioning the outcomes you desire to manifest, as well as in how you respond to what happens to your life. …A creator consciously focuses on a vision or outcome – that which she chooses to create in her life. As she focuses on what she wants to manifest, a creator taps into an inner state of passion, which propels her to take a baby step. Each small movement is either an advancement toward the vision or a clarification of the final form of the desired outcome. A creator still faces and solves problems, but she does so in the course of creating the outcomes, rather than merely reacting to them…, page 149, The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) Seek to create relationships that engage TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic) by cultivating your own capacity to be a co-creator, challenger and coach with and for others – be they personal, professional or familial. I have further outlined the principles and actions of these roles in The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic).Take time to explore these outcome-focused roles and the shift in orientation they provide. Start your practice of creating over reacting by committing to take a week – a whole seven days – to engage in daily reflection on when you are reacting and when you are consciously creating. This process is best done at either the beginning or the end of a day (or both, if you are really ambitious!). Using either a journal (highly recommended) or a sheet of paper, brainstorm as many “experiences” that have stayed with you from the day. These may be positive events or unpleasant ones and may include conversations, meetings, interactions with strangers – anything that happened to you and/or that involved you. Once you have captured as many experiences/situations as you can (and you will be surprised how many there are in the course of a day), go through the list and reflect on each of them using the following questions: Did I react to the experience or did I create the experience? Next, put either an “R” or a “C” next to the item. For each that has an “R,” ask yourself, did I choose my response or just react? If I just reacted, was my reaction to “fight, flight or freeze” and did I do so as either a Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer? (You might want to use V, P or R as additional labels.) These are the relational roles of the drama triangle, often focused on the problems in a situation. Think about the outcome of your response? Next take a look at the experiences you created, thus marking a “C.” What was the intended outcome? Was the outcome achieved? Were there any unintended outcomes that resulted? What worked? What didn’t? What – if anything – would I do differently in the future? At the end of the week, look back over your notes and see if any pattern emerges. Regardless of what you find, you will be increasing your capacity to be a conscious creator! Since we cannot not create, let’s make life a conscious and constructive process. As an outcome, our world will be a better place for the effort we put into creating our own experiences.