Date 250 Men To Ease Your Breakup Heartbreak? An Olympic First Dater's Tips For Inspired First Dates

Date 250 men to ease your breakup heartbreak. I was stunned by that dating advice when I first heard it. I was in the midst of my divorce hearings when I asked my divorced friend, Sharon, how I could un-break my heart. This was her reply:

"Get a lover," she said. "The way you detach from Walter is to date ten men for each year you were married."

"Date 250 men?" I shrieked. That got people's attention at surrounding tables at a Chicago bistro.

"For a healthy start," Sharon said. "You don't know the new you yet, so you can't possibly know what you want in a new man. Know why most second marriages fail?"

"No clue."

"People dive in before they're ready to swim," she said.

That advice made sense, so I followed it. Instead of diving into a second marriage on my first proposal, I started diving into the dating pool and taking quick swims, as if setting an olympic record for speedy first dates.

By that I mea
I went on dozens of first dates arranged by a lunch-time matchmaking service for corporate and creative professionals. I met some wonderful men, but a lunch date rarely lead to dinner. Not that I wasn't asked. I wasn't interested. In hindsight, I've had a chance to see why I was the first one out of the dating pool.

There was one thing I did on dozens of first dates that blocked my desire for a second date. I shared old stories about my former husband--good stories and breakup stories. Fortunately, one date interrupted me:

"I don't want to hear about your wonderful ex. You might like getting to know me," he said.

I instantly knew he was right. So I changed my first-date behavior. When I stowed my old stories and focused on my new date in the present moment, we both engaged. We found common interests and experiences in parenting after divorce, in reviving our dreams, and in ways we could enjoy our new single life. I felt an energy boost and easy laughter from being fully present in the moment with a date.

What if you want to ease your breakup heartbreak by dating, as I once did? Why not do that before you go on a date? Vent your same old stories in a jou
al or on the phone with a life coach (not with friends or family if you want them to take your calls). The goal is to keep things light and fun on a first date.

Now, the only story I share about my former husband is a quick sentence about the love lesso
I learned from our breakup, so I won't repeat it next time. That usually prompts a similar revelation from my date--or at least he expresses a desire to figure that out if he hasn't done so.

Is this mental shift just a dating tool? Or will it enrich your experiences with other people in your life? You can answer those questions by noticing whether you're focused on the past instead of the present moment with a date, a friend, anyone. How would each encounter change if you gave someone your full focus in the present moment? Could you think of any better gift to give someone?

How do you benefit? When you stow your same old stories and focus on creating exciting new ones, you're adding an enthusiastic spirit of adventure as you date or relate to anyone. n