Debunking the Myth of Failure

I have a long, bitter relationship with the fear of failure. As a recovering perfectionist, I tend to go straight to my worst imaginings (like total public humiliation) whenever I start to critique my own performance. But a funny thing happened the last time I grappled with this fear: I realized there is no such thing as failure. Huh! This shift in perspective stunned me.

Last month, as I awaited the results of my coaching certification exams, I sank into a period of doubt. Although I knew I'd done well on many aspects of my exams, the problem areas became magnified in my mind. I was afraid I'd failed. How would I explain that to my clients and all the people who'd helped me prepare? The thought made my blood run cold.

For about a week, I planned the aftermath of my imagined failure. Then sitting at a traffic light one morning, I realized I could write a really cool article showcasing my downfall – a kind of “lived to tell” way of supporting others who also fear failure. I was excited about writing that article and, in that moment, my fear of failure dissolved. Though I was still loath to screw up an exam (that old perfectionist in me never lets go!), the idea of the article reconnected me to my passion to help others who may risk failure follow their own path. It was a win-win situation, and in that sense there is no failure.

Turns out I passed my exams to become a certified coach. No problem. But the sudden shift in my perspective got me thinking about this thing called failure. Is it really something to fear? Can we use it to our advantage? To explore this idea, here are five ways failure can work for you:

Failure is the Road to Success. It may seem extreme to put it this way, until you examine your own successes. Big or small, the path to our accomplishments always includes things that didn't work and course corrections along the way. These road pavers build our wisdom and confidence. In some cases it’s a failure that gives us exactly what we need to succeed in the end. Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” You can't have success without experiencing failure -- it's just that successful people don’t call it failure. (and don't take it personally.)

Failure Helps You to Lighten up. Speaking of not taking it personally! Failure is about results and behavior not about YOU. If something is not working out for you, learn from the mistake, change what you are doing, take accountability as needed, but don't judge yourself a failure as a human being. Failure is feedback. That's it. Learn to see it for what it is and lighten up.

Failure Forces You Out of the Box. Have you noticed that when you are in a bind extra reserves of creativity come to your aid? The challenge of failure can help you break boundaries and self-imposed limitations. And a mishap may be success in disguise. (Think of “accidental” inventions like Post-its.) Innovation favors those who are not afraid to fail.

Failure Builds Self-Confidence. Seems counter intuitive, doesn't it, but getting out of our comfort zones and into action – and risking failure -- builds confidence. Experiencing failure shows us that we can live through it, despite what our fears tell us. Picking ourselves up to move forward despite set backs increases our resilience.

Failure Makes You Extraordinary. Several years ago, Wilson Greatbatch, inventor of the cardiac pacemaker, observed that society's growing intolerance of failure is detrimental to invention. When you get comfortable with the concept of failure, you’ll be free to do things that others will not. You’ll operate at higher levels of creativity and will make more impact in the world. You’ll be who you truly are: extraordinary!