Domestic Violence - Understanding How It Starts

Domestic Violence and abusive relationships start will small things and develop into behavioural and thought patterns. Identify how you got there, so you can follow the path to the future you really want.

Understanding the behaviours and patterns is the first step to changing your life for the better. Abuse tends to be based upon insecurities, fears and the inability to control their own life. It normally starts with seemingly small and insignificant comments and builds up unnoticed.

Examine and understand the past, learn from it, and then take action to change what you don’t like into what you do like by living in the present and looking to what you want in the future. Many people who have or are experiencing abuse feel embarrassed at some stage, saying to themselves: how did it get this far, what happened, how could I let this happen? A commonly held myth is that Domestic Violence is only committed by strong men against weak women or that only poor people experience domestic violence, which is not true as many people from all walks of life, gender and sexuality experience abuse.

Understanding how it happened will help you: ï¼ Forgive yourselfrnï¼ Identify warning signsrnï¼ Take back your freedomrnï¼ Let go of the past and plan your futurernï¼ Stop the cyclernï¼ Regain control of your lifernï¼ Achieve better relationshipsrnï¼ Identify behaviour patterns

The 10 organising principles of understanding how you got here:
1. What is the problem or issue?
2. How specifically does it affect you?
3. Look at what triggers the behaviour.
4. What have you done about it in the past?
5. How long has it gone on for?
6. Identify the first time you remember this happening?
7. How are your family and friends in relation to the problem?
8. Once you’ve examined the past, leave it there and move forward.
9. What are you willing to do in order to change the problem?
10. How will you know it’s not a problem any more?

Lucy had been having problems with her husband for many years and they separated. After the separation they started addressing the issues they faced and Lucy got stuck in the past anger and hurt and didn’t know how to let go and let her suppressed feelings out all at once in emotional outbursts. Once she was able to look forward again she began rebuilding her life to how she wanted it.

Understanding how you got to where you are now is like working out how you got lost in the car. You need to know where you started and where you want to be then look back and realise which turning you took and you can see how to get back onto the road you originally wanted to be on. If you don’t know how to get there, ask someone who knows how to give you the most effective directions as not everyone knows the best way for you. Make sure you’re always going towards where you want to be.
“No man can know where he is going unless he knows exactly how he arrived at his present place”
Maya Angelou