Don’t Let Your Belief-System Hurt You & Sabotage Your Relationships

It is being said that having a belief-system is good: it is something which directs you; guides your actions; motivates you to know how to go about feel you know how to move forward with life. But if your belief-system controls your attitudes and behviors without you being aware of it, you are in danger of sabotaging your relationships.

The reason being that adhering strongly to your belief-system might boomerang at you: believing, for example, that “a wonderful partner” means - you need to be there 100% for your partner and sacrifice yourself, or believing that in your relationships you need to make all the decisions can sabotage your bond.

Unless you become aware of how your belief-system might sabotage rather than improve your relationship, it will continue hurt you time and again.

MARY AS A TYPICAL EXAMPLE

Mary has not had a long-term relationship for years, something that continues to stun her. It’s true: there was a time when she didn’t want a relationship and sought brief encounters just for fun. She was too busy pursuing her career to take relationships too seriously. But she always thought that when she would really want, she wouldn’t have any problem finding one.

So what’s happening now, when she really does want a relationship? How come she can’t manage to find one, and gets disappointed time after time?

MARY’S BELIEF-SYSTEM SABOTAGES HER

Mary is unaware of how her belief-system prevents her from developing a true and lasting relationship. The only thing that she knows is that she does want such a relationship. But damn! What stands in her way?

When Mary begins to look inwards, attempting to find answers, she becomes aware of the fact that she has been driven by belief system that stipulates that having a relationship will damage her professional career. This belief system has driven her to develop a fear of commitment.

With this understanding Mary now feels comfortable about looking for a partner with whom to develop a long-term relationship. She is now able to find the balance between having a profession coupled with a long-term relationship while keeping her independence.
HOW CAN YOU NOT LET YOUR BELIEF-SYSTEM HURT YOU AND SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

In order to find the right balance, you first need to become aware of your belief system.

1. Ask yourself with all honesty, which belief-system drives your emotions, thinking, reactions and behaviors in and about relationships (such as: “I always know better”; “My independence is most important to me”; “Manipulations are a great way to get what I want”; and so on.

2. Notice in which ways this belief-system damages your relationships. For example:

* “I always fight with my partner trying to prove I know better”;

* “I never let my partner decide for me, since I don’t want to be dependent on anybody”;

* “I’m always there 100% for my partner. I know this is how relationships should be!”.

Now that you have identified your belief-system and noticed the power it exerts over you, you can move on to the following:

3. Ask yourself what you can do to de-activate the power your belief-system exerts over you and find a more balanced way in your interactions.

4. Decide about and practice new reactions and behaviors.
When become aware of your belief system and the way it controls you, you become able to stop it from hurting you and sabotage your relationships and become able to foster a healthy and fulfilling bond.