Don't Take It Personally

The best-selling book, The Four Agreements by ndo
Miguel Ruiz is an insightful little book with a message nthat is simple and yet profound. The author invites the nreader to adopt a code of conduct that leads to a fulfilling life.
It includes these four agreements – “Be impeccable With Your
Word, "Don't Take Anything Personally, Never Assume Anything, nand Always Do Your Best"

This article is about the second agreement “Don’t take
Anything Personally”.

Great advice, isn't it? The problem is, most of us take criticism nor rejection very personally. When people say to us “Younare …(fill in the blank), we may take it as the truth. Actuallyntheir comments are about them and their perception of you andnhave nothing to do with who or what you really are.

The following are some thoughts to keep in mind the next time nyou receive harsh comments:

1. It's not about you. When people make insulting or viciousnremarks to you, it's a reflection of what's going on insidenof them. You are simply the target at the moment. Harsh ncriticism is usually brought on by one or more of the following:nna) Ego. Some people will criticize you to boost their ownnego. They pull you down a few pegs so that they'll feelnsuperior to you.nnb) Impatience. Impatient people are also likely to makeninsulting remarks that are out of proportion to thensituation. For instance, if an impatient person feels younshould complete a task in 5 seconds - and you take 10 -nyou'll hear something like, "Are you a moron?" Clearly, thisnhas nothing to do with you.nnc) Childhood Influences. Many people who criticize younwithout regard to your feelings grew up in an environmentnwhere they were criticized harshly. They are simply repeating n the pattern.

Accept the fact that people from all of these categoriesnwill cross your path at times.

2. Learn from it. In most cases, you can learn fromncriticism and rejection. Although the comments may be harshnor exaggerated, there may be some truth to be found.

For example, if you receive negative comments on a
Performance Review at work, see it as an opportunity fornimprovement.. Consider the comments objectively and look nfor the lessons. Take the necessary actions to improve your njob performance. If you truly believe you are doing your best, nthese actions could include looking for a job that better suits nyour talents.

3. Laugh about it. After you get over the initial shock of ancritical remark, allow yourself to have a good laugh! Itnreduces the tension and puts things back in perspective.

We did Patient Satisfaction Questionnaires in my former nhealthcare company. One question asked about the nreading material in the waiting room. The funniest responsesnwere those that rated the selection as poor and thennin the very next answer noted that the patient had waited
0 (zero) minutes in the waiting room.

4. Don't let anyone stop you from pursuing what you want tonachieve. Life will test you to see how serious you are about npursuing a particular path. Sooner or later, you'll face nnegative feedback. When you do, remember not to let nanyone crush your dream.

If you are doing what you want to do (and aren't hurtingnanyone else), the only question to ask yourself is: Am I doingnthe best I could in this situation? You can't ask yourself to do nmore than your best.

5. Give what you want to receive. If you want others to benless critical of you, then you must be considerate of the nfeelings of others. We all have to provide feedback and ncriticism at times and probably overdo it sometimes.
We say things that we wouldn't want othersnto say to us. We get impatient and forget that it took usntime to learn the very things we're expecting others tonperform perfectly right away.

Don Miguel Ruiz gave some great advice when he said that wenshouldn't take anything personally. Yet, it is a very difficult concept nto put into practice. My hope is that by remembering the above nthoughts, you can greatly reduce the amount of time and energy nyou spend feeling bad about how other people treat you.