Eliminating the Word No!

Eliminating the Word NO!

One word no one likes to be told is NO! Usually when we are told NO it makes us desire to do something even more. To be rebellious or defiant or just plain pig headed. Think about reverse psychology and how it works. You usually do or think the opposite to what is expected. Eliminating the word no, is not never using it, it’s just saying it differently.
Funny we say No to our kids all the time and then as adults, especially us mums, end up struggling to please everyone and afraid of saying No! It comes full circle.

As parents we struggle with power and control. We want the control and our kids want their own power. When we answer our kids with the word No…… this takes away their power. It usually encourages that fight or flight syndrome. Egos get hurt, they get defensive and then the power and control struggles begin. So I am challenging you to eliminate the word ‘No’ from your vocabulary. Impossible you say? Not so! I’m not saying never, use the word no again, I am saying eliminate it when responding to your children.

Here are some examples: it’s 30 minutes before dinner, your child comes to you and asks,
“Mum can I have a cookie?’ You respond “No dinner is almost ready you will spoil your appetite.” The child starts whining, asking why, or escalating into a tantrum. You are thinking that’s just what I need right now! Instead, try answering by eliminating the word ‘NO.’
“Yes, you can have a cookie after dinner. Why don’t you decide which one you would like and when dinner is done you can have it! You may get a response of “but I want it now!” You reply, “I gave you my answer, you can have it after dinner or not have it at all, why don’t you decide?” You are still in control and giving the child power by giving them the decision to make about whether or not they want the cookie. If you have never tried this strategy before, it will take some time……be consistent.

Your teenager asks you if they can go to a friend’s house Friday. You have been having discussions, sometimes heated discussions, about them having a messy room and you having told or asked them to clean it. Instead of answering with “No!” try using this as bargaining power. “Yes sweetie, you can go to your friend’s room on Friday if your bedroom has been cleaned beforehand. Let me know if you need a ride, I would be happy to drive you.” Then stick to your words……don’t fall for the whining or the guilt trip. You may need to say it again in exactly the same way, if your child won’t let it go, say “the discussion is over.” Don’t get into that power struggle and don’t engage. Follow through with what you said. The minute you falter from your words, your child has won! They know what to do to make you cave. Then you get angry with yourself for caving. It’s a vicious cycle.