Expecatations of Middle School Children

Twelve-, Thirteen- and Fourteen-Year-Oldsn
Characteristics

Middle school and junior high students are growing more rapidly than they have at any time since infancy. They vary in size tremendously, a fact which directly relates to their feelings about themselves. It should also be noted that this period is a time of great hormonal surges, resulting in unexpected outbursts of giggles, tears or pimples depending on the circumstances. Self-criticism and uncertainty are reflected in their talk about themselves and others. Anger is common and may grow out of feelings of inadequacy, fatigue, rejection and uncertainty. He may come home after scoring three goals and being the hero of the hour to face the chore chart and the kitchen floor and react with anger, tears and slamming of doors.

At this age, adolescents have a tendency to take internal conflicts and exte
alize them into conflicts between themselves and their parents. We need to teach our children and ourselves to acknowledge feelings and recognize them. It is okay to feel angry about having to scrub the floor, but the commitment to the family must be kept anyway.

If parents become permissive under pressure, it is like issuing a teenager a license to misbehave. When we waiver in our commitment to family rules, it takes away respect from both the parent and the child. Allowing a child to avoid responsibilities encourages them to continue this unacceptable behavior. Further, allowing them to “win” can actually reduce a young person’s self-esteem, because it implies that whenever enough of a fuss is made, they can get out of their share of the work.

Teens may feel good temporarily if they are allowed to get away with whatever they choose, but they usually don’t feel good about it for very long. If they sense their parents don’t respect them, they will find it hard to respect themselves. Thus, permissiveness breeds disrespect and discouragement and invites rebellion and chaos into family life.

Relationships based on equality provide the greatest opportunity for personal growth. Such relationships encourage flexibility, open-mindedness and a desire to understand the other person. Disagreements, anger and conflict won’t ever disappear because no two people suppress feelings; rather we should feel free to share them thereby strengthening our family relationships. The best place to reconcile conflict or gain deeper understanding of each other is in the comfortable setting of Family Council.

Task Expectationsnn Arrange for his own haircutsn Purchase his own grooming suppliesn Iron clothingn Hand wash lingerien Sew on buttons, do simple mendingn Take clothes for dry-cleaningn Simple sewingn Vacuum upholstery and drapesn Replace light bulbs and understand wattagen Clean fireplacen Clean freezer n Polish silverwaren Change vacuum cleaner bags and beltn Replace fuses and know what breakers aren Oil squeaky leakn Baby-sitn Scrub down wallsn Wax a floo
Bake muffins, biscuitsn Make a tossed saladn Make hot beverages n Plan and use simple budgetn Wash car properlyn Read a mapn Wax the car Properly hang something on walln Plan a small partyn Know the differences between latex and enamel paints n Paint a roomn Service projects such as reading for the blindn