Expressing Our Feelings

Notes to Myself

For many years I was unable to express an emotion other than fear, anxiety, frustration and anger. I was in survival mode and my main purpose was to make sure that I could provide for my son. My focus was on being a good mother, teacher, healer, friend, and family member, making sure everyone's needs were met.
I didn't have the luxury of exploring too many sides of my feelings. My life is no longer on that course. I have proven to myself that I can make it. At this point in my life I am switching gears and getting to know myself. I must admit I am happier now in my life than ever before. I have finally reached a place of true contentment.

I was always waiting to find happiness when I remarried, or had enough money. I thought when I found true love or didn't have to work so hard I would be happy. I haven't achieved any of these things yet, but my happiness isn't contingent upon achieving any of this. I spent so many years disappointed, frustrated and lonely. I became sick and tired of being sick and tired so I finally chose to surrender my will and align with the Divine flow.

I became so angry with God for not giving me all the things I wanted I threw a temper tantrum and refused to connect with Source until I had things my way. I took a good year or so off from overachieving. I went to work, took care of my son and home, but, I didn't take on extra things as I tend to do.

What happened is that the more time I spent alone and unoccupied, the more I grew to like myself. I realized that some of the things I thought I wanted, I didn't want anymore. Whatever I thought I needed to be happy, I didn't. My happiness isn't dependent on what I have. It is dependent on who I am.

I finally came to peace within myself and found contentment in the simple pleasures. I trust that all the things I want and need will come to me in Divine timing. I picture in my mind what type of life I want, knowing that my needs are provided for in all ways and I take steps in the direction that I want to go in.

Having found balance I want to focus on my feelings now. My Aquarian nature isn't that familiar with expressing emotions so openly. I watch in awe as my Piscean friend can break down into tears just expressing her feelings. I tend to supress my feelings, tone them down a bit. I'm embarrassed to show what I'm really feeling sometimes.

I can't always identify the emotions I'm feeling in the moment. Sometimes I have to rattle off a few emotions before I can figure out what I'm feeling and why. I have a tendency to minimize what I'm feeling or invalidate it because I'm not sure if I should be feeling this way, if it is appropriate with the situation. I'm sure as I become more comfortable expressing my emotions, give myself permission to feel and trust that what I'm feeling is accurate, it will become more natural to me.

I also have a habit of taking responsibility for other people's feelings. I will suppress my emotions in order to spare someone else's feelings. I am getting to a place where I can own my feelings and express them to another person without having to minimize, hide, or ignore them.

It's important to let another person know how their actions or words affect us, as long as we express it in a healthy, productive way. How else can we grow and learn if are not aware of how we affect one another. It's the other person's responsibility to choose how they take this information and change the way they interact with us.

When I'm really happy and blissful I secretly fear that my joy will lead to unhappiness and suffering. I tend to keep my emotions toned down so that the "God's" won't decide that I need to now experience the opposite. I really want to release that old belief system that once you have too much good then comes bad. I want to obliterate that subconscious fear that the other shoe will drop so I better watch out!

Expressing our emotions is part of being human. There are a whole range of emotions that are part of our reptoire. We need to trust ourselves that what we are experiencing is appropriate. As we identify the negative emotions we can then locate the root cause of the belief system and release it. As we turn around the limiting thoughts and emotions, we may replace them with happy, positive, loving emotions that will ultimately benefit and lead us in the direction we want to go in.

Prayer

Dear God,

I have been burdened by the feelings of anxiety, fear, frustration and anger for far too long. These emotions no longer serve me and I am ready to release them now. I trust in the flow of life.

As I release these negative, limiting emotions I am opening myself to receive and replace them with love and happiness. I gratefully accept the many blessings in my life. I place myself in the Divine flow of unlimited joy, abundance, contentment, pleasure and laughter.

I breathe through my feelings allowing myself to express them in the moment. I gently let go and allow the next emotion to flow through me. I accept the positive and negative emotions since they are all a natural part of my life and experience.

I trust in what I am feeling and I know that it is safe to feel. Emotions are what make me human and I am grateful to be alive. I choose not to wallow in negative emotions. Please guide me in releasing what no longer serves me. Please show me how to feel good all the time. I choose happiness!

Dear God, continue to open me to the magic of my life. I am so excited to experience all that is meant for me!

And so it is.

Amen.