Five Secrets in Finding a Relationship Coach

Five Secrets in Finding a Relationship Coachr
By Angela Hicks (The Relationship CEO)

Being a relationship coach, I have had numerous conversations with people about the struggles in locating a good coach. But when I probed by asking questions to understand what they were looking for or for them to create a picture of what a coach looks like in their mind, it proved to be difficult. There were redundant responses which sounded like, “I don’t know” and “It just didn’t feel right.” With the numbers of people claiming titles of “coach” in this market, the potential client’s daunting task of sifting through websites and bio information can become a challenge. Coaches play a very important role in client’s lives as they walk together toward developing and making dreams realities. And with this said, it is important for you to know some key wisdom to help disce
the heart of the coach before investing time and money into the new relationship. I want to share with you ‘five secrets’ that coaches do not share and their clients wish someone had told them.

At the foundation, one must know the true role or function of a coach. A coach is someone who is a change expert who assists leaders in taking responsibility for their lives with action. A coach is not one who pours their advice, instruction or vision onto a client like drowning heavy syrup on pancakes! Who can be more knowledgeable about where one wants to initiate change, and what actions toward the change feel most comfortable but you! No one can live your life but you, and you have managed to do very well so far.

I had a client who poured her heart out to me about the bad experience with another coach. This coach is well known and has many years of experience under their belt. The client wanted assistance in creating an upcoming speech to a group of home schooling parents. As the sessions went on, the client noticed how the coach grabbed her vision, but began to push his own topics/vision into the speech. When my client tried to write the speech, all she heard was the coach’s voice on what should be included; which hindered the deep springing well of knowledge that she herself had to offer the attending audience. The sessions became so toxic to my client’s initial purpose, that she became confused but wisely realized the need to end the meetings. Only after ending the coaches input, did the client begin to hear her own voice again.

1. Research the coach’s success history by other sources than their website. The truth is a website is a selling tool and only what the coach wants to be known will be documented. Research by actually calling the coach and asking for references you can contact. Think of it this way, you are hiring a coach for a specific job and no one normally obtains a job based solely on what the employee says. The hiring manager will ALWAYS call references to obtain a perspective outside of the potential employee.

2. A good speaker does not necessarily mean they are a good coach. The truth here is speakers are somewhat actors; creating a vision or memorable collage of words to hold your attention and spike emotion for action. And please know that speaking and listening are two very different things. A coach should have acute and active listening skills. There are other coach characteristics to look for within these ‘five secrets’.

3. You are the leader in the coach/client relationship. Remember number one, where you are compared to a hiring manager? You should always be able to lead the conversation topics and most importantly which actions you want to move on. This is important, because a “real” coach motive should be to see that all clients become leaders and not followers. What I mean is if you keep coming to someone for advice, then you will be dependent on that source. But if I create an environment where you are seen and encouraged to be the leader that you are, you will be independent and free from the cycle of needing someone else’s opinion. Anyone can tell you what you should do, but will that motivate you to do it?

4. There’s a HUGE difference in mentoring vs. coaching. A mentor draws experience (wisdom) and resources from himself to assist a client in a particular situation. But a coach guides the client to draw from their own wisdom, personal resources and experiences. This is the “secret weapon” characteristic that you should see from a coach which separates him/her from the rest — an unshakeable belief in the client. Now you can definitely ask for the coaches input, insight in an area or wisdom. But the coaches input should be asked for by you or the coach can ask you if it is ok to provide feedback.

5. A coach should ask more questions than provide answers. This is vitally important and flows along with secret number four. I definitely believe in my clients abilities and will use questions as a tool for pulling up the treasure within, and to strengthen our relationship. Yes, I said our relationship. The client and coach should build a respectful and freeing bond; which enables the client to feel unrestricted in topic and conversation.
Most coaches provide a 15-30 minute introductory session which you can use to determine if they are the right one for you. Even if they do not advertise it, ask; all they can do is say ‘no’. But use the above ‘five secrets’ as keys in deciphering if this coach has the right character and heart; which will be a catalyst in maximizing your potential and growth!