Five Tips for Dealing with Difficult People and Situations

Holidays aren't the only time we're forced to interact with people we'd rather not, or be places we'd rather not be. Holidays, however, call for our best behavior, regardless of whom we're with or where we are. Here are five tips to help you deal with difficult people and survive tough situations, graciously and gracefully:

Pump Them for Gold: If people are talking about themselves, they are in a state of feeling that you appreciate them and find their answers worth your while. If they're talking about themselves, they're NOT grilling you about information you'd rather not share. Create a list of at least 3 questions you can ask anyone to get them to tell you more about themself. Three safe questions include: How did you get interested in your career? If someone were to be following in your footsteps, what advice would you give them? What part of your job do you enjoy more than all the rest? Who knows? You may learn something about this person that helps you understand them a bit more. They will certainly feel your conversation that day was the best they ever enjoyed with you.

Energy Vampires: If you have someone who absolutely refuses to be driven off course as they spew forth poisonous words and frustrations, you can protect yourself from taking on their teeth and from giving up your own light. First, close both your thumbs and forefingers together, making the classic OK symbol. This keeps your energy field sealed so they can't defuse your spirits. You can hold this mudra (hand position) around a wine glass, the steering wheel, or in your pocket. If you sense they are trying to "suck the life out of you" place the tip of your tongue to the place where your two front teeth meet the gumline of the roof of your mouth. This prevents their being able to set the hook into your heart. Speak little. Avoid eye contact. Take a step back if you can. Don't release your hands or move your tongue until you are out of their sphere of influence.

Find a Way to Contribute: Start with bringing a host/ess gift. Then, whether it is your hands or your brain that is needed, find something you can do ot make the gathering easier for all. If this is at a relative's home, stay busy picking up, refreshing drinks, or carrying items for the host/ess. It's harder to hit a moving target and much less likely they'll come after you if they perceive you to be serving them. They'll only have good things to say about you afterwards. Anyone who wants to talk trash later will have no ears to hear as everyone will have seen you being so helpful.

Disidentify with the Story: Once you realize that you're being drawn into someone else's trauma drama, give yourself permission to take a mental side trip. Step out of the story. It's just words. You are not the words. Run a sensory check. What do you smell? taste? hear? see? feel? Detach from the situation. Judge not, simply watch. Think to yourself, "Hmmm, I'll bet that really is hard for them to be living right now." If they get in your face and demand that you interact, your answer should run along the lines of, "Gee! That's a tough one. If it was me, I don't know what I'd do." Refuse to be drawn into giving suggestions they won't take anyway.

Arrive with your Exit Planned: Make sure you have a place to be within a couple of hours of your arrival. These numbers may change as you feel works best with your situation, but if you make it known as you arrive that you're expected elsewhere at X p.m. there will be less resistance to your exit. Sometimes you may need to ask for directions or how long they think it may take for you to get there from where you are. Ask someone to remind you of the time so you don't forget it's time to go. NOTE: If you start having a really great time, you can always postpone your exit.