Good Parenting - One Thing You Must Do

Being a good parent requires us to be many things, but one of the most important attributes is to be reflective. Without this, parents will find themselves experiencing the same struggles over and over again.

Let's look at what being reflective really means. First of all, it does NOT mean to beat oneself up about something they said or did. It means taking a look at the situation from a calm state and trying to pinpoint what started the struggle or bad behaviour. A parent who I was working with couldn't figure out why her son had a huge tantrum one day and after we reflected and remembered everything they said and/or did, she realized that her son refused to eat after she told him he couldn't have his juice box because the juice was too cold from the fridge.

Her son's only way to show his emotion was to get revenge by refusing to eat, and then throw a tantrum when she continued to thrust the spoon towards his mouth.

In this situation, being reflective showed her that the juice box was the trigger. When she saw this she questioned if what she did was right. She didn't like her kids drinking cold juice though, she told me.

They had been out at an amusement park and didn't really have too many options. And, in the scheme of things, what is the worst thing that could happen if her child DID drink the cold juice? Was it really important to enforce this or would it have been okay to go with the flow that day?

I also reminded her that it is important for us to hand over the reigns of decision making more and more as our children get older. If she consistently tells him what to do and never allows him to make a choice and sometimes suffer the natural consequence then how is he supposed to learn to be a good decision maker, be independent, and feel self-confident?

If you are experiencing a reoccurring behaviour or are struggling with something your child is doing over and over again, first step back, review the situation when you are calm and try to think about the trigger of the behaviour. Could more flexibility be in order? Is more consistency needed? Is your child needing more routine? We are learning too, we're not perfect. Parenting offers us the best opportunity to become better people, not just better parents. So, while we are expecting our children to be reflective about their behaviour, so should we. It's a win-win situation.