Grief And Dating
Legacy signals
Legacy popularity: 1,101 legacy views
About a year after ny husband died I began feeling extremely restless. My mind seemed to be skittering from one thing to another. in a way, this was welcome relief from the heaviness of deep sadness and depression.
But something was missing. Of course, comething was missing. My husband was missing. I was missing my husband in a different way.
Somehow, from this agitated state of displaced energy, I decided to try internet dating. A couple of well-meaning friends had suggested it.
It took me some time to figure out the mechanics, since I knew little about computers at that time. I spent time organizing my profile information and coming up with a catchy tagline. I posted my profile and waited for responses. Well, I didn't really wait. I was out there proactively looking for my perfect companion in cyberspace.
I boldly responded to profiles of men who sounded like interesting dating prospects. At one time I was corresponding with eight men at the same time.
I was 51 and hadn't dated in a very long time. The emails led to some actual dates. Let's just say the experience was less than satisfying.
Reflecting back on this time, I see that my restlessness was but another phase of my grief process. My decision to date came from a place of missing my husband's physical companionship.
I wasn't really looking for another man. I was looking for my husband in other men. I believe this fact was evident to these poteitial dating companions. But I was blinded by grief masked as dating energy.
I realized that my skitteering mind was really fulfilling the role of a protective disconnection from my heart and body. I was still lost in grief. It was just wrapped in a different package.
The pain of feeling my grieving body was so overwhelming that I believe my mind was searching for a way to disengage and somehow feel "normal" again.
I realized and acknowledged the ache of missing my husband on a deeper level.
Article author
About the Author
I am a grief coach, specializing in working with women who feel stuck in their grief process and are actively seeking to move beyond grief and into the authentic and abundant life they know they deserve.
Further reading
Further Reading
Article
Bouncing Back After a Divorce or Rupture
I f you are going through a divorce or a romantic break-up you may be experiencing many emotions....from anger, fear, disappointment, hopelessness toward the future, sadness, to grief (this emotion sometimes is not recognized, but it can be real). In many cases divorce is not a devastating loss, on the contrary you may feel happy or relieved, but in most cases, all of a sudden finding oneself not being part of a couple hits us hard and sometimes we ask, • How was I wrong?r • What mistake did I make?r • Could I have done something different?r
Related piece
Article
Grief and Loss: When to See a Grief Counselor
Do you feel stuck in your grief? Has it been months since your loved one died and you feel you should be feeling better? Do others close to the deceased seem to be adapting more quickly than you? Has the pain gotten worse? These are questions with very individual answers. They may or may not indicate outside assistance is necessary.
Related piece
Article
GRIEF AND LOSS: WAYS TO SHARE YOUR FEARS
Fear is arguably the most common hidden emotion that mou ers delay confronting. The reason is obvious: no one wants to appear weak. Of course, that is inbred societal nonsense that we have all been subjected to since fear is an expected response whenever we feel threatened by circumstances that have to be faced.r
Related piece
Article
Grief is our response to all kinds of losses….
Among the misunderstandings people have concerning grief is that they think it is the reaction only to the death of a loved one. But we experience a sense of loss when something or someone that belonged to us and was of immense value has been taken from our lives, leaving in their place a void that we are sometimes unable to fill...not only to death. If you find yourself grieving over any the following transitions it is just natural and you need to pay attention to your feelings. Losses you may be experiencing: • Divorce or break-up.r • Loss of health.r • Loss of a job?r
Related piece