Grieving through the holidays

Grieving Through the Holiday Season

Christmas is one of the most challenging times of the year for those who have experienced the death of a loved one. Christmas is supposed to be a family time filled with joy and laughter. For people who are grieving, the merriment is hollow and empty. The Christmas carols and bright decorations are only painful reminders of the loss that they have experienced. Preparing yourself for some of the situations that may arise is a positive step towards getting through the holidays. The following is a list of suggestions that you might wish to incorporate in your holiday season.
Grieve in a way that feels right for you.
Some people grieve at Christmas by keeping extremely busy, so they have less time to think. Others grieve at Christmas by withdrawing or taking a winter vacation. Don’t be afraid to do whatever is most comfortable for you.

Acknowledge and accept the fact that the holidays will never be the same as they were.
Don’t let your “should’s” and other people’s expectations dictate the way you celebrate.

Seek out friends and family members who are sensitive and supportive.
Grieving at Christmas in a healthy way involves choosing who you most want to be with. Don’t spend time with people who create negative feelings or drain your energy.

Allow yourself to get off the Christmas treadmill.
If you are normally responsible for a large amount of things during the Christmas holidays, it may be best to delegate some of those responsibilities. While many may become lost in Christmas activities, this will not allow you the opportunity to heal appropriately from the traumatic loss that you have experienced.
Set limits.
It is often extremely important to set limits for yourself during the Christmas season when you are experiencing a loss. Manage your time appropriately. It is not necessary to handle everything all alone, or all at once. The first Christmas after someone dies, the last thing you need to worry about is sending cards or baking your traditional gingerbread cookies. Grieving at Christmas is about giving yourself more down time – and just doing things that are really important..

Accept the help of friends or family.
When a loved one dies, friends and family may not know what to do or say. Accept their help at Christmas, whether it’s cooking Christmas dinner at their place instead of yours. Grieving at Christmas involves letting others show their love and grief in different ways. This can be exceptionally difficult if you have always been the one to do most of the giving
Take time to Relax and Rest. Cut down on the hustle and bustle of Christmas.
Find ways to have a quiet time to relax and rest when you need to.

Avoid dietary extremes.
High sugar and alcohol consumption naturally induce emotional lows. Also, avoid overeating and under-sleeping. Eat a well-balanced diet which includes fruits and vegetables.

Be honest about your grief.
Denying the existence of your grief prevents you from moving forward. It may even spark an unexpected “melt-down”, especially during the added stress of the Christmas season. Don’t try and put on a happy face when you are crying inside. Giving yourself permission to cry will release the pent up emotions you have been trying to hold on to.

Let go of past regrets.
Release everything, including any guilt and anger. Forgive the medical staff for not being able to prevent your loved one’s death. Forgive friends and relatives who were not supportive enough, or who did or said something hurtful. Most of all forgive yourself for any perceived shortcomings or guilt around your loved one’s death.

Brighten the life of someone less fortunate at Christmas.
Connect with other people who are grieving, remember an ill or shut-in neighbor, be generous to the homeless or people struggling in impoverished countries. Reaching out to others in need can help you to put your own grief into perspective.

Accept the concept of new normalcy.
The onset of new traditions and expectations may seem daunting, but your previous normal can give rise to a new normal that shows you are moving forward in your grief.