How Stuck Are You in Your Job?

Do you remember a time when your work was fun? Do you remember when you looked forward to going to wok? (If you don't remember these things, then you'd better start taking a closer look at the career you've chosen for yourself!) When you remember these good times, see if you can make a list (preferably written) of all the things that have changed since then. You might consider making two lists: one list of things that have changed for the worse and another list of things that haven't changed but should have (like a raise you didn't get or a promotion you were passed over for).

You may not be aware of it, but, if your list is quite extensive and if you're feeling restless, irritable and discontent with the current state of your career, this can prove to be very damaging not only to the future of your career, but also to your relationship with your spouse and your family, and even your health. Everyone's job description has changed over the past (relatively) few years. Downsizing — if it hasn't dumped you on the open market — has forced everyone with any responsibility at all to do more with less. Have you discovered that you've become your own support staff? Do you find yourself working later and later to try to catch up with an ever-increasing backlog? Are you and your laptop now joined at the hip, or do you find yourself handling business at all hours away from the office on your Blackberry or iPhone? If so, you have a lot of company!

Take three of my clients, for example. Ironically, they're all friends. One of them works for the Federal Government, one of them works for a very large publicly-traded corporation, the third is partner in a regional real estate office. All three of them share the complaint that they're being asked (or, more precisely, required) to do the impossible. The first one's agency leadership as a matter of course runs in 'panic mode'. No amount of planning can prepare the staff for the last-minute crisis work that's being dumped on them on a daily basis. Now they have the new administration's transition team in the office. They want to be helpful, but they have no time or energy left to handle anything extra. By January 20, the staff will be burned out, exhausted and demoralized.

My second client has just gone through another corporate downsizing. Her staff of four that's responsible for maintaining compliance with Federal regulations, and which was already stretched to the breaking point, has been cut to two. Trying to have management which requirements were not going to be met because of the staff shortage to perform the necessary work has been met with stonewalling. Suddenly that career has morphed into a no-win situation with my client in the line of fire for possible scapegoating.

Running your own business is no guarantee of improved working conditions. In fact, it's just the opposite. My third client finds himself barely able to run his business because he's running personally around handling all sorts of minute details (including physical grunt work) that he should have been able to delegate to others on his staff. Now, there's no longer any staff out there who has the time to do any of this stuff. There's no one left to delegate responsibility to. Everyone's thrown into survival mode.

In an economic climate like the one we're experiencing now, people all over the world are finding themselves with few choices. When you're looking at making do with what you've got or leaving to take your chances in a brutal economy, even an unbearable situation begins to look good. Yes, of course, we all have choices that we can make; but when your choices are limited to between bad and worse, sometimes choosing to stick it out is the wiser course of action. That's a decision that each one of us has to make on a daily basis. There are, however, two factors that everyone in this situation needs to take into consideration.

Factor I: Prepare your exit strategy. Regardless of whether you have viable options right now or not, you may well be the victim of the next downsizing or economic downturn. Have you taken the time to go deep inside, recapture some of that enthusiasm that you experienced as a youth, and explored what your heart truly desires? It's at times like this when playing 'what if' is a very good idea. You have no idea whether or not opportunity may come your way. Knowing clearly and well what your heart desires is one way to call these things to you. Have you a clear intention for what you want? Have you put together a detailed vision? Would you recognize it if you stumbled upon it? Finally, you need to make the time to put together a plan, regardless of how tentative. Very often, until you plot your path, you may not recognize that certain obscure steps my be milestones along your way.

Factor II: Make just one decision right now: "I will accept the fact that this is tearing me apart, and it's nobody's fault but mine that I feel this way." That's a tough but entirely necessary decision, especially for men. We men don't want to admit responsibility for how we feel, let alone for getting ourselves into this no-win situation. Take the responsibility. It's OK. It'll hurt less than denying it or trying to blame it on your boss or your wife or kids or the government or God or anyone else. It's OK to feel helpless. It doesn't make you any less of a man. It's just vitally important for you to switch your energy from trying to fix the situation to taking care of yourself in it. And you, 'macho man' who doesn't need anybody else, you've got to let the people close to you in to know how you're feeling: how discouraged and exhausted you are. You also have to be able to ask them for help: to listen to you complain without trying to 'fix' you or the situation, and to give you the space you need to catch your emotional breath. Either you'll come to terms with the toll that being stuck is taking on you, or you'll snap.

What does 'snapping' look like? That depends on whether you're a Meyers-Briggs 'E' or 'I'. If you're an 'E' (you process your emotions exte
ally), you're very likely to become enraged, even physically violent. You'll be prone to say vicious things, take out your frustrations on others, and make rash decisions that you may regret later. If you're an 'I' (you process your emotions internally), you have a high probability of becoming sullen and withdrawn, uncommunicative and cold. Your 'suffering in silence' can lead to depression (anger turned inward), addictive behaviors and, suicidal thoughts if not attempts.

How well you weather this midlife storm will depend to a large extent on how well you're able to get in touch with how you're feeling and how effectively you can express those feelings in a save, supportive atmosphere. If you and your spouse have attained a high level of communication skills, you've got it made, so long as you take advantage of it. If not, don't wait. Find a professional whom you can vent to: a coach, a mentor, a sponsor, or a therapist. Don't try to be the 'Lone Ranger' — it won't work. Not dealing with being stuck can do nothing but make your situation worse. When all is said and done, you can get through even the worst of times, so long as you can take proper care of yourself. This will pass, and, when it's all over, you can be a stronger, more connected, more resistant, and wiser person for it.