Have You Ever Thought about Making an Agreement with YOURSELF in Order to Succeed with Your Intimate Relationship?

It is customary these days for partners to institute a prenuptial agreement or, while dating, a “relationship agreement” - mutually agreeing on the “relationships terms and conditions”: for example, whether the partners commit to meet once or twice a week; whether they commit to spend a night or two together; and so on and so forth. Articles about the wedding of Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg mention such a “relationship agreement” which was apparently been drawn between him and Priscilla, his college’s girlfriend. In it, so the articles claim, Zuckerberg has outlined his commitment to the weekly time he’ll spend with her. It is very likely that many partners initiate such a “relationship agreement” when one or both partners are too busy at work and they want to institute that they will have a certain amount of time together in any given week. It is also likely that such an agreement is instituted when one partner wants more and the other wants less from the relationship while both want to continue seeing each other. There appear to be many other reasons for partners to establish such a “relationship agreement”. Some might claim that such an agreement is artificial. Maybe even indicates that there is something unhealthy about the relationship. That when two people love each other and want to be together there is no need for them to initiate agreements of time spent together. That a “relationship agreement” indicates that the partners’ expectations from the relationship are different and that one of them pushes, manipulates and forces the other into compromises. Some also might claim that such an agreement indicates that one of the partners has fear of abandonment and wants to ensure, by executing such an agreement, that the two will spend a minimum amount of time together, so that there will be a feeling of continuation from week to week. Yet others might claim that in today’s time and age, when work and study schedules are so pressing, it is a good idea that the partners will know, in advance, how often and how much time they will spend with each other on a weekly basis. This prevents disappointments, redundant conflicts, and enables the partners to plan their week constructively. Regardless of whether you have embarked on this trend of a “relationship agreement” or not; and if so, whether you have done it from your own free will or were coerced into it by your partner (albeit the pain, frustration, negation and anger you might feel about it), one important thing for you to consider is the following: make a similar agreement with yourself! That means, contract yourself to develop and expand your Self-Awareness; to get to understand the reasons which drive you to initiate such an agreement or succumb to one: * Are you afraid of commitment and therefore wish to establish specific times to see your partner? * Are you afraid of being abandoned and rejected and therefore succumb to have such an agreement put forth? * And furthermore: what kind of a relationship do you wish to develop? * What are your expectations and fantasies about your partner and about your relationship? * Do you feel that your expectations and fantasies are realistic? * If you have opted for a “relationship agreement”, are you satisfied with it, or would you like to change it? * And if so, in what ways? * If you don’t dare initiate a change, why not? Such questions, and other, you can ask yourself also if you haven’t instituted a “relationship agreement”. They will help you become aware of your needs, fears, expectations and fantasies. The agreement you establish with yourself is a commitment to get to know and understand yourself better; to get a handle on the ways in which you might harm your relationships; on your attitudes towards and behaviors with your partner. An agreement with yourself, therefore, can enable you to learn what you really want in a relationship, empower you to stick to what is important to you and lead you to developing rna successful intimacy.