***His Wife is Going on a Singles’ Cruise!

Dear Jim:
My wife and I are both retired. She’s 64 and I’m 71. She told me the other day that she wants to go on an “over 50″ singles’ cruise in November. I should point out that I hate cruises because I get seasick easily, but my wife loves all the activities they have on big cruise ships. She said that she likes the idea of going on a cruise where it won’t be all couples or kids or people half her age, and that she just wants to have new friends to socialize with. Does this sound normal to you? All I can picture is a floating orgy. I could see it if she wanted to go with her sister or one of her girlfriends, but she says that none of them would be good travel companions. (“Frank”) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Frank:
Unless your wife has previously given you reason to think she’s been unfaithful, I wouldn’t be conce
ed. It may be easier, logistically, for someone to have an affair or a brief “fling” if they’re far from home, but no one has an affair just because the opportunity presents itself. There has to be a real desire to do it. And if you have that desire, you don’t need to travel thousands of miles to satisfy it.

Cruises marketed to “mature” singles are not necessarily what you think they are. For one thing, there are far more women than men who tend to go on them, partly because there are a lot of older women out there just like your wife: women who like fun, companionship, and organized activities in a safe environment. And more than a few of those women are married. In fact, some cruise lines refer in their marketing to “Single and Solo” passengers, recognizing that not every person who travels alone is unmarried.

I also can relate to what your wife says about certain people not being good travel companions, especially on a cruise. A cruise can strain even the closest of friendships or blood relationships (or marriages, for that matter). You’re sharing what is usually a small cabin and bathroom, with very little closet space. If your companion is the “clingy” type, you may feel trapped the entire time—unable to eat, drink, exercise, sunbathe, or go ashore without the other person constantly at your side. A bad travel companion is far worse than no travel companion. On the other hand, having a lot of “solo” fellow-passengers to choose from will help to ensure that you can be alone when you choose to be alone, and with like-minded people when that’s what you need.

So relax, Frank, and let your wife have a good time. The less grief you give her, the more appreciative she’ll be, and the better it will be for both of you afterward. And don’t be a martyr; do some fun things while she’s away, even if it’s nothing more than going out to a sports bar a couple of times. In marriage—especially when both spouses are retired—a little break from the usual routine can be a good thing. Good luck, and let me know how it turns out.

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Announcement of “Dear Jim” Advice Column

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