How to Dialogue with Your Inner Child

What is “dialoguing” with my Inner Child? Dialoguing is talking with your Inner Child, caring for her/him non-verbally. The word dialogue implies a back and forth exchange between the two of you, rather than just “talking” which could be understood as a one-way communication.nnWhen do I do it?n1) In the morning when waking up To see if there are any dreams your Child wants to talk about To see if there is anything special s/he wants you to pay attention to that day To give love and reassurancen2) In the evening To see how your Child is and how you did as a Parent. You can find out if there were there things you missed or that were appreciated.n3) Any time you have an upset That is, when you are scared, anxious, hurt, sad, angry, or disappointed. You’ll want to move towards doing an on-the-spot check in to determine the problem, decide on the nurturing behavior to do, and then take the loving action.nnWhere do I dialogue? Privacy is important in the beginning in order to write or speak out loud. You could go into a restroom if you are at work or a bedroom if you are home. You can also do the dialogue in the car with the windows up. You want to have soft furniture for your Child to hit if anger comes up. Pillows are good for pounding on.nnWhat equipment do I need? A doll or stuffed animal to represent the Child part of you. A journal or stack of paper. Pencils, pens. Possibly a tape recorder, if you want to review your session later. Also a picture of ourselves as a child, and as an adult is a help to work with.nnBeginning Methods of Dialoguing: Written and Out Loud It’s important to do out loud or on paper because in the beginning, when you try to do it in your head, unloving patterns of judging yourself can creep in without your knowing it. Talking out loud or writing allows us to see whether we are actually being supportive with our Inner Child.nnnWritten Dialoging 1. First read the directions for both written and out loud dialoging. 2. Ask you child a question from your nurturing Adult-– the one who is really curious and who really cares, who believes you have good reasons for your feelings, even if you don’t know them yet. 3. Write out the question with your dominant hand while looking at your doll, animal, or photo. (Example: What are you feeling right now?) 4. Pick up the doll or animal, turn it outward, and pull it close to you. Move your attention into your body, particularly your stomach. (Your child is in your gut.) Allow yourself to feel little. 5. From your Inner Child state, picture your loving Adult across from you and write the answer to the question with your nondominant hand. This is important so that you don’t feel alone in your pain. 6. Move back into your Adult state, turn the doll or animal around toward you, and hold as you would a child. Empathize with your Child’s feelings so he/she knows you understand. Reassure the child that you will still love him/her no matter what is said. 7. Ask another question. Try to explore the beliefs behind the feelings, then the past experiences behind the belief. 8. Keep doing this-switching back and forth from Child to loving Adult until you have a deep understanding of your Child’s feelings and the beliefs that go with them. 9. If the Child is feeling angry, let her/him release it in writing or by hitting the soft furniture. If she/he is feeling pain, let him/her grieve while holding the doll or animal. 10. When the anger or pain subsides, tell the Child the truth about the false beliefs and decide on what behavior would be loving for the Child.nnOut Loud Dialoguing You can dialogue out loud while driving, exercising or taking a walk. For some people this works better than written dialogues because they can access feeling more when they are moving. As you practice methods you can determine which ones work best for you.