How to Get Over Post-Dramatic Valentine’s Day Suffering Syndrome (PDVSS)

Seeking love keeps you from the awareness that you already have it - that you are it. -- Bryon Katie Post-Dramatic Valentine’s Day Suffering Syndrome (PDVSS) is a syndrome that I made up to describe the 25 years of suffering that characterized my life, especially around February the 14th. My post-dramatic suffering has indeed been based on very real occurrences that would likely resonate with many of you: from bumbling boyfriends who just don’t get it to feeling chronically alone on that dreaded V-day. Oh, the troubles I’ve seen! That’s not what this article is about, however. This article is about getting over it. It’s about tossing old love stories aside and creating new ones. Toss Out Your Old Love Stories Stories are the things we tell ourselves over and over again. They are our thoughts about our abilities, our looks, and all sorts of other things. We also have stories about our romantic relationships. My old story used to go like this: Girl meets boy. Girl sees boy is totally dysfunctional, addicted to something, emotionally distant, either broke or just a cheapskate, and that he’ll probably cheat on her eventually. Girl pushes past the sea of blazing red flags and falls hopelessly in love with boy. Eventually, the girl’s stand-by-your-man-even-if-he’s-a-slobbering-drunk routine becomes unsustainable. Relationship ends right before Valentine’s Day and girl spends February 14th sobbing into the heart-shaped box of chocolates she bought for herself. The rest of that story is just a rinse-and-repeat: Different boy, slightly varied issues, and a strikingly similar ending – heartbreak, solitude, and all the rest. You can see why I eventually tossed that old love story. It took some doing, however. I had to create a new love story first. Create New Love Stories I eventually realized that I was getting what I expected to find. If girl expects to be treated badly, for example, girl gets exactly that. Furthermore, she doesn’t even have to wait for someone to be lousy to her, because she does that to herself. The flip side, however, is that if girl expects love and utterly blissed-out happiness, she can have that, too! Here’s my new story. I think you might like it better: Girl realizes that she is complete all by herself, and that her principle relationship is with herself. Girl also realizes she deserves a beautiful, joyful life. She doesn’t wait for boy, but instead decides to move happily along, enjoying the plentiful and always entertaining array of experiences that life brings her. Each experience, either good or bad, is an amazing opportunity. Girl does eventually meet boy again, only this time, it’s different, because along the way, she changed her expectations. Boy doesn’t share the same list of eerily familiar traits. He doesn’t fit the old bill, and that’s wonderful! Is there a Happily Ever After in this new story? Maybe. That part doesn’t matter as much anymore, however, because her life is based on a Now-Moment-Happily-Ever-After. There is no waiting involved in this real life fairy tale: Girl has learned to love herself, and even when she is by herself, she isn’t alone. Valentine’s Days will come and go, and no matter what the circumstances, girl will be happy because that is what she knows she deserves. Conclusion Post-Dramatic Valentine’s Day Suffering Syndrome (PDVSS) is a very real problem, and suffering is not to be taken lightly. It can, however, be changed. Toss those old love stories aside, because the new ones that will take their place are far better and a lot more fun. Happy Valentine’s Day. Fall in love with YOU. Yours Truly, Debra