In Marriage, What You See Is What You Get

Studies have shown that regardless of a person's level of self esteem when their partner's view of them is positive they experienced greater marriage satisfaction. This simply confirms what we already know—that what we think about each other as partners in marriage matters and is quite powerful.

If your opinions of each other are for the most part reasonably positive those opinions are creating a positive perception that is contributing to the level of satisfaction you both experience in marriage. Test it for yourself. Take a minute right now and ask yourself the following few questions:

1. What kinds of opinions have I verbally expressed to my partner lately? Were they intentional? Unintentional?

2. Have I allowed thoughts about my partner to take up space in my mind that I would never verbally express? Or, do the kind, loving, and really great feelings and thoughts about my partner become dormant, unexpressed thoughts in my head? What keeps me from expressing them?

Now ask yourself whether or not the thoughts you have and tend to express to your partner are worthy of your partner? And, for those rare moments when you fail to express the good that you think or feel about your partner, how does that impact him? And, when you do, what happens?

Okay, this time ask yourself how you respond to your partner’s opinions and other thoughts about you—good and not so good?

What do you see? If it's not enough of what you'd like to see, consider the following as a way to start changing that.

One of the most invaluable gifts you can give each other is the gift of acceptance. By accepting one another you:

• affirm each other's dignity n
• allow one another to express the fullness of your humanity n which includes those irresistible qualities that drew you n together, that endear you to your friends, and that are also n the source of the minor irritations that arise between you

• reinforce a love and respect that transcends emotionalityn
• invite the other to become more of who they can be

In marriage what you see is truly what you get. If you want a more caring, attentive partner begin to look for the ways in which he attempts to attend to your needs and those of the family...and efforts to demonstrate care for you, your work, your conce
s and aspiration, etc(no matter how small).

Be on the lookout for these things. We tend to find just what we're looking for, so make sure you're looking for the good, because it's there.