Styles of Saying "No"

Whenever someone asks me to do a favor, take on a responsibility complete a task, help with a chore, my knee-jerk reaction is to say "Yes, sure!" While it would be interesting to discover whether this comes from conditioning, a desire to please, or a sense of wanting to contribute, in the end it, that's not the questio
I really need to answer.

What really matters is whether my saying "yes" is serving me well or not!

Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. How do I know the difference and, just as vitally, how do I say "no" when it doesn't?

If what I'm saying "yes" to is fun for me, is an opportunity (which means something that has little risk, and a good chance of paying off in some way in the near future), rather than a possibility (something which involves more risk as to whether and when it will bring fruit) I'm more likely to participate. Sometimes I have to take a closer look to get a feel for things. If it feels like an obligation that isn't going to be fun or pay off in some way, if I've already got too much on my plate and am feeling overwhelmed or if I'm doing it just to curry someone's favor, feel important, or not have to deal with turning someone down, I know I have to start thinking about how I'm going to say "no".

How do you say no? Or do you? There are many styles of saying "no", and many ways of "languaging" it. The important thing is to do it in a way that feels like it's your words, and that you really mean what you say. Fear that you'll feel guilty about saying "no" or that others will think badly of you? Have you felt that way about other people who have politely turned down your requests for assistance? Possibly so, but more than likely not.

Is it costing you more to say "yes" tha
"no"? What are the costs and how do you balance them? It's all very individual, and some- thing you must determine for yourself. nn