*** Keeping Attachment Strong

A friend shared a wonderful story recently in a seminar o

"Smart Parenting." She said that ever since her children werenlittle, she's set aside special one-on-one time with each of hernchildren. She made a commitment to do this once a week andnput it on the calendar. As her children became teenagers, thisnbecame harder to do, but yet they persevered.

One time, my friend had an important work commitment thatnconflicted with the breakfast date she'd made with he
15-year-old son. When she told him that they'd have tonpostpone, he actually got tears in his eyes, even though theynwere just postponing the date until the next day.

Wouldn't we all love to have that type of bond with ournchildren, at any age?

We talk a lot about "attachment" when our children arenyoung, but then the conversation fades to other topics. Incontend that we must work diligently to make sure ournattachment with our children is ever-growing and eve
deepening. In fact, I believe that keeping attachment strongnis our most critical task.

Attachment is the basis from which discipline, respect,ncommunication and authority grow. When your attachmentnis firmly grounded, the other parenting duties are more likelynto be effective.

Many factors contribute to keeping "attachment" strong as ournchildren grow. Being emotionally available to our children,nloving them unconditionally, meeting their basic needs, beingnconsistent in our discipline, being responsive to their painnand maintaining open communication, to name a few. But Inbelieve that one of the most concretenthings that you can do to deepen attachment is to spendnone-on-one "special time" each week with each child.

Why is this so important?

A child is far more likely to reveal intimate feelings to younwhen you're alone with him or her. It’s highly unlikely that anchild, who may be feeling vulnerable already, will revealnperceived weaknesses in front of a sibling. But, given timento let down his/her guard with you, s/he may let you in onnstruggles s/he wouldn't reveal at the dinner table.

By having your sole attention, your child will feel valued.
You're making a huge statement that nothing elsenis more important to you right now.

Your child will treasure this time.

Remember when your kids were little and they’d say,
"Look at me!?” They still need us to look at them and let themnknow that they're #1.

In his book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families"
Stephen Covey talks about an "Emotional Bank Account"nthat you can develop with other family members. He saysnthe Emotional Bank Account "is like a financial account thatncan make deposits by proactively doing things that buildntrust in the relationship, or you can make withdrawals bynreactively doing things that decrease the level of trust."

Things like being kind, apologizing, not criticizing others,nkeeping promises, forgiving and providing unconditionalnlove, all contribute to the bank account.

Weekly one-on-one time with each child willncontribute a substantial deposit in the emotional bank accountnfrom which you can leverage things like compliance to you
requests, respect, and honest communication.

Here are some guidelines for getting started:nn*Start small. You can commit to as little as 15 to 30-minutes anweek.nn*Put the special time on the calendar in ink! Try very hard tonkeep that commitment.nn*Let the child choose how you spend your time together.
The child's inner needs will direct them to choose an activitynthat brings them joy. Let the child be the leader for a nchange! (Before you get started, feel free to set boundariesnabout the activities, such as the amount of time or the cost.)nn* Make positive statements about your child during this time.nn*Enjoy!

Given that attachment is the base from which all othe
aspects of parenting flow, I hope you'll consider making thisnweekly "investment" that is guaranteed to bring you evenncloser to your child.