Learning from Fear

About a year ago, I attended a personal development conference. One of the final exercises was about recognizing your power. We were asked to do the unthinkable. After signing all the appropriate liability release forms, we were broken into teams and each of us was given an arrow and a Sharpie. We were instructed to write on the arrow what we were afraid of. Then, we were to designate a team member who would hold said arrow at the soft spot in our throat and we were to walk forward until the arrow snapped. The room fell silent, we each looked at each with deer caught in headlight expressions, and the terror in the room was palpable. You want us to do what?!? Our instructor demonstrated again, "put the arrow at the soft spot in your throat and walk forward until it snaps." Ok, fine! I stood up. "I'll go first." My fellow team members looked at me like I'd grown a second head but nobody tried to talk me out of it. What they didn't know was that I'd done a fire walk just a couple weeks before and was still basking in the glow of walking over 700 degree coals. I knew, because of that experience, that everything was a mindset and they wouldn't really give us an exercise to do that will kill everyone in the room. So I jumped up, put the arrow into my soft spot, and raced forward before I could change my mind. The arrow snapped and I didn't feel a thing except for the exhilaration of snapping the symbolism of the word failure in half. I became the designated arrow holder for my group. One because I'd successfully snapped my own arrow so this gave me some sort of magical status within my group, two because I was really good at calming people down and instructing them in exactly what they needed to do to avoid pain or injury, and three because once they broke their arrow they would fall into my arms and I would hug and soothe them. Everyone in my group quickly went through the exercise, we were all pumped up and feeling empowered, and went to watch and cheer on other groups. What we learned watching the other groups, was in some ways more valuable long-term than the recognition that we had each broken an arrow with our throat. 1. Somebody had to go first. We saw groups that hadn't even started yet because they were all too frightened to go first. They fed off of each others fear and became more and more frightened as time passed. I think this happens a lot in real life. We take someone else's fear, claim it as our own, fuel it by gathering "evidence" that it is valid, and then feed off each other to keep that energy of fear alive. The gift of seeing this was learning that when I step through my fears in life, I'm not just helping myself. I'm gaining an opportunity to show someone else what is possible. Somebody has to go first. Why not you? If you crash and burn, there's nothing lost because everyone was already afraid anyway. 2. Listen. They key to being successful in the arrow breaking was to walk forward with such speed and force that the arrow would snap in half before it had the opportunity to penetrate your throat. We saw people who were so afraid that the best they could do was walk forward tentatively. The arrow would press into them and they'd start choking and it would hurt. Each walk forward would be a little bit slower because of their previous experience, so each walk forward would hurt just a little bit more. We tried to tell them to just move quickly, to walk forward with purpose and drive, and everything would be ok. A few listened and successfully broke their arrows, a few didn't and resigned in defeat. Those that couldn't do it then felt even worse about themselves because they watched a roomful of people around them achieve what they could not. It was heartbreaking. The gift of seeing this was learning that if I do have people that have gone before me in doing something, and they are sharing how it is done, I should listen. If all of them are telling me to go fast, that's what I should do. The benefit of having someone go first is being able to learn from them. Being blinded by my fears and deciding to do things my own way, in spite of common advice to the contrary, almost never works. 3. Be mindful of who you surround yourself with. The most successful groups were the ones who taught and encouraged each other through the process. This seems like common sense but how often do we struggle in real life because we've surrounded ourselves with people who can't see past their own limitations enough to support us in seeing past our own? Surround yourself with people who are where you want to be. Be specific. For example, if you want to be a successful artist, start hanging out with successful artists. It isn't enough to just befriend artists who believe in the 'starving artist' mentality and are living in their parent's basement. They will support your love of art but won't be able to support your success because they haven't found their own yet. If the people in your life spend more time empowering your limitations than your possibilities, it is time for a shift. To this day, my picture of the broken arrow is the lock screen on my iPad so I am continuously reminded of what I'm capable of. It never ceases to make me smile. I learned a lot that day, both about my own power and about some common behaviors associated with fear. What has fear taught you?