Learning to Forgive Yourself

It is hard enough to lose someone we love, but even more difficult to lose a child. Parents (both young and old alike) encounter an arduous task to forgive themselves after experiencing such devastating loss. The initial instinct is to blame oneself for not being there, or not being able to save the child. The next emotional trauma is dealing with the fact that you're still alive and your child isn't. Several questions and statements run through your mind, such as: "Why my child?" "Why couldn't it have been me?" "What did my child do to deserve this?" "Why couldn't I have saved my child?" "It's not fair." "Other people live long, healthy lives...why couldn't my child?" "I should have died instead." "I should have been able to prevent this from happening." "Why is God punishing me like this?" Sound familiar? We beat ourselves up over and over again until we've exhausted every ounce of energy...every ounce of emotion. We become paralyzed with anxiety, depression, emptiness and anger toward the outside world. We can't think straight. Our hearts are filled with self-loathing. We can't even breathe...and then, we ask, "Why God?" "Why me?" That is one of the first steps toward mending broken hearts...asking "Why God?" You see, there are countless stories of parents who have experienced the loss of a child. Whether we've lost a child to an accidental death or due to sickness, we find ourselves in the vicious cycle of bereavement. While it is only natural to question why things happen the way they do, sometimes there just aren't any physical explanations that we can grasp. God, however, does provide a little insight to help in healing. In our resolution to come to terms with such a loss, we struggle; pondering an infinite list of the "what ifs" and "whys." And as we do, we then begin to focus on why God wasn't there for us. Sometimes, we literally lash out at God and blame Him for the unfortunate turn of events. We have to blame someone, don't we? When you get down on yourself for the loss of your loved one, I want you to think about and remember the following sentence: "Yesterday was the past, tomorrow is the future, and today is a Gift. That's why it's called the Present." God doesn't want us to hurt. He wants us to embrace every single moment of our lives. He wants us to experience life every second as if it were our last. And while we may not always understand why things happen the way they do, remember that you, like your child, like your parent, your brother, your sister, your friend...are a Gift on borrowed time. Realizing that we must accept the loss is one of most courageous steps we can take. And that is where God is. You see, all of we are a greater part of a sum. And while our physical appearances may differ, our souls are all infinitely intertwined with one another. We are each, in fact, a branch of God's Divine love. And it is when we've learned to quiet our soul, and we've been able to receive His love willingly, that we are able to forgive ourselves. God brings the resonance of our children to us in nature, and in little things we often call "coincidental." Sometimes, they may seem like mirages of the mind...but they aren't. The spirit of our children resides within us always. And it is this spirit that visits us in our dreams, in butterflies and birds, and in pennies from heaven. Can't you feel the love already? Each life is precious and while we cannot travel back in time to undo the hurts of the past, we can live in the moment of today to carry on the light of love from our children. We become their legacy, and when we do, we reach out in positive ways to shed more light on the world. That is what children do...they embrace every moment. They don't worry about tomorrow, and yesterday was just a memory. It is their unconditional love for you and all that surrounds them that lives forever within you. And when you rediscover the joy that they once gave to you, your heart will fill with the light of hope, and you will be strong enough to forgive yourself.nn© Copyright – All Rights ReservednLearning to Forgive Yourself By Joan Marie Whelan