Making Room For More Happiness in Your Life

Unhappiness has many faces. The enraged driver in the car behind you, red-faced, fists flailing and horn honking. The exhausted parent at the grocery store who can't seem to get the kids to sit quietly in the cart. The disgruntled worker slumped at his desk, mindlessly internet-surfing the hours away and growing more agitated by the minute. The relationship partner who feels unappreciated and misunderstood, and wants to shout it angrily to the world. How many times have you been one of the people mentioned above? You know the feeling. You're unfulfilled, aggravated, bored, or impatient. The obstacle that stand in your way seems unsurmountable. Maybe this is a temporary, fleeting condition that comes and goes. But maybe not. For many of us, unhappiness is something that we're becoming more and more familiar with in our lives... a chronic condition that we simply accept as par for the course. But just because dissatisfaction and frustration feels familiar, does that mean that it should be the main theme of our daily existence? nnTips for Letting Happiness into Your Lifennn1. Learn to see the glass as half full. Next time you feel a complaint or negative thought coming on, put it into perspective. For example, suppose your tire went flat, causing you to be late for work this morning. Instead of dwelling on the inconvenience that this caused you, look on the bright side. Perhaps your car was in need of all new tires before the snow season, and this was the catalyst that finally got you to check off that task. Maybe there was a meeting scheduled for this morning that you weren't looking forward to attending anyway. Chances are, in the grand scheme of things, this is a minor mishap that isn't worth getting worked up or stressed out over... and the disruption of your normal routine may have left room for a welcome turn of events. nn2. Forget about needing to always win the argument. Humans have a tendency to be overly self-protective. If someone says something that appears to be out of line with our own remarks, ideas or wishes, we grow defensive and confrontational. But what do you think would happen if, next time you felt provoked or attacked, you put aside your feelings and calmly steered yourself away from the situation? What if you simply said, "It's too bad someone does not share my views, but this is not a cataclysmic event. I don't love what just happened, but I can live with it."? We would likely be amazed at the amount of energy saved if we just learned to let go and move on, instead of dwelling on small, petty misunderstandings that are best forgotten anyway. nn3. Don't worry if not everyone understands or appreciates you. We all want to be recognized, appreciated, and validated. But ask yourself honestly: if you received two emails right now, one delivering a message of thanks and praise for your work, and another suggesting you were at fault in some way... which one would you feel the need to respond to immediately? Which one would you spend the rest of your day dwelling on? Most people have a real sore spot when it comes to their ego. However, chances are that whatever slight you received, whatever minute thing you may have been condemned for, speaks volumes about the person giving out the criticism, not you. Is it worth letting small-minded people get the best of us? Or is it better to take the high road and seek out more fulfilling relationships, with people who connect with our ideas, respect our opinions and admire us for our strengths? nn4. Put emotion in the passenger's seat and let logic and reason take the wheel. When we're experiencing feelings like those mentioned in the opening paragraph, we tend to act in ways that sabotage our success. We fall into a bad pattern of negative thoughts and behavior which becomes a vicious cycle. The trick for getting out of this is to learn to think with the logical, rational side of our brain instead of our emotions. Sometimes it's helpful to practice mentally "removing ourselves" - literally, imagining if this same thing happened to a friend or even a complete stranger. What advice would you give this person? How can you put an unbiased spin on the circumstance to solve the problem or resolve the issue... without causing further discomfort to any involved parties? When passion and positive energy drive our actions, we accomplish amazing things. And if you're like most people, you'll recognize that there is no good or useful reason why a negative, self-defeatist outlook should set the tone for the rest of your life. The beauty of "practicing" how to be happy is that, like anything else, the more we do it the easier it gets. And pretty soon we no longer have to "try" to be happy. We simply are.