Marriage, Divorce & Soul Mates - Expectation of a Lifetime Partner is Rooted in Fear

If a woman is attracted to a man, it’s in her best interestnto tell him. Many guys won’t flirt or make it clear that nthey are romantically interested in you until you make it nobvious that you are interested too. Don’t over-analyze it, njust go with the flow and realize that rejection, if it happens, nis just part of the dating process.

It’s best to avoid thinking in all-or-nothing terms (the nbeginning of a wonderful relationship, or nothing). Just nlet it be what it’s meant to be. Most relationships, no matter nhow brief, offer valuable rewards and lessons.

Too many people expect a new love interest to be “the one” nand avoid those who aren’t exactly all they demand in a npartner (and too often, they personally don’t even meet nthose excessive demands). After a date or two they learn nthat the person does not fulfill every single item on their nideal romantic partner list, so they bail and start looking nfor the next one (or stay with that person until they find nanother so they don’t have to be alone).

It’s a good idea to remember to let each connection be nwhat it’s meant to be and stop looking for perfection and nexpecting your date to be what he or she “should” be. Very nfew people you’ll meet will be even close to “the one” and nyou’ll only enjoy longer term, rewarding, hassle-free, ncompatible love relationships if you’ve earned them, in a nkarmic sense (as can be outlined through comprehensive nnumerological and astrological charting).

Being together in a fulfilling decades-long relationship nis the fate, in our view, of some couples. Also, being nmarried or partnered in a strictly monogamous relationship nfor 20, 40, or even 60 years is desired by many, but is it nalways for the highest good of all involved? No. To think nthat you can avoid complacency and growing apart, and nto demand emotional, mental, romantic, and sexual nfulfillment for decades with the same person (especially nwhen two people marry young) is silly. A better approach nis to drop all expectations upon entering a relationship. If it’s ndestined to be long-term, great. If not, be grateful for the nexperience, wish him or her well, and move on.

Rarely, if ever, do people know all the hidden, behind-closedn-doors details about those dear, elderly couples who stay ntogether for decades. Remember, you were blacklisted from nsociety only a couple generations ago if you got divorced, so nsome couples stayed together, suffered, and played the game nto avoid being ostracized. Plus, men and women had fixed, nspecific roles back then, so if they divorced, who would cook nfor him and who would do the yard work for her?

Today, many still hope to have a “lifetime” relationship, but nan increasing number are acknowledging that divorce is nreasonable for couples that grow apart. If handled maturely nand fairly, divorce can be a good thing for both people (and nif it’s unavoidably a more challenging situation, then, in our nview, it was meant to be that way). Those who refuse to nacknowledge this seem to have dependency problems, fear nabout being financially secure, have difficulty being alone, nhave a rough time with change, or perceive relationships too nidealistically.
More and more people are accepting the notion that if one nperson is unhappy and wants out, then it’s pointless to stay ntogether, and selfish of the other person if he demands she nstay. You might say, “what about the kids?” Kids know if ntheir parents are just going through the motions and doing nso sets a bad example. Besides, a family doesn’t have to n“break up” if the parents are both mature enough to remain nfriends, or at least civil and fair to each other.

By the way, we advocate legal agreements (however n“unromantic” they may seem) between two adults before nhaving any children, whether or not they get married, to nprotect the children and help minimize future disagreements nand problems between their parents.

What you hope for in your romantic life might be destined, nbut if it’s not, as long as you react to fate with unconditional nlove and compassion, you’ll be on good ground.

Copyright © 2007 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo