Marriage & Relationships: Stay Or Leave And Fear Being Alone, Two Examples

Should you stay or should you go, and how shouldnyou do it? Will you be alone for the rest of you
life if you leave? Whether or not to leave annunhappy relationship and strike out alone can benan agonizing decision for many.

Viewing it from a different perspective will helpnyou. Below we outline a couple case studies andnshow that there are alte
ative options tonconventional wisdom.

Case study problem #1:
“Alan and I agreed to be committed to each othe
even though I felt like he may have been moreninterested in financial security (I make well ove
six figures and Alan is a struggling musician). Henadmitted that he cheated once (but I suspect more).
But he’s grown up a lot since then and promises menthat he’s changed. I think we have a chance together,nespecially since our physical/s.e.xual connection isnso incredible. I think he may be “the one” and worrynthat if I don’t stay with him, I may miss thenopportunity to ever be loved again.”

Traditional thinking and solution:
Believe his pleas about how he’s grown up (neve
mind that his nature dictates that he needs varietynand that he’ll either stray again or be unhappynbeing strictly monogamous), bite the bullet and getnmarried. After all, everyone knows that marriagenimproves all relationships and secures happiness;nthis is why so many people rush into this legallynbinding situation.

Alte
ative Suggestion:
You’re considering a commitment with a mannwho cheated on you and who may be moreninterested in your money than you? Based o

Alan’s birth data, what we intuit, and what you’ventold us, he’s not the monogamous type or someonenyou’ll be able to trust or depend on. If you don’tnmake a commitment with him, are you missing thenopportunity to ever be loved again? We doubt it,nbut more importantly, you need to ask yourself ifnbeing with him is worth the misery he will likelyncause you both.

Alte
ative Suggestion:
If the physical/s.e.xual connection is mind-blowing,nbut he isn’t the monogamous type, you do havenother options besides all (marriage and itsnexpectations) or nothing (dumping him). Perhapsnhe’s meant to be in your life in a different capacity,nsuch as a “friend with benefits” or as a secondarynpartner. This arrangement can work if both partnersnare mature and honest and have no expectations ofnit leading to anything more.

However, in these situations (and all relationships,nfor that matter), never assume anyone is beingnstrictly monogamous or practicing safe s.ex withnother partners. Always practice safe s.ex and usencondoms. That may sound untrusting or paranoidnto some, but we’ve known too many peoplenwho’ve contracted STDs, including HIV, fromnpartners, even those in relationships that theynassumed were monogamous. Don’t be foolish.
Play safe 100% of the time. Some people havengood intentions and want to be honest and keepntheir promises, but their nature contradicts that;nthey simply cannot. Their urges and agendas andnexcuses and justifications are more important tonthem.

Case study problem #2:
“I have been in a long-term relationship for 15nyears, since I was 26. I don’t feel my other half isnmy true soul mate. However, I’m not sure that I’llnever find my true soul mate, so I remain with mynboyfriend. He’s a great guy, but when people talknof true love, I know this just isn’t it. Our s.e.xnlife is pretty much non-existent, and has been fornthe last 9 years. I’m worried that if I end mynrelationship I’m too old to find someone else, so
I just stay where I am because I don’t want to grownold alone...”

Traditional thinking and solution:
You’re past your prime. Just make the most ofnyour current situation.

Alte
ative Suggestion:
You two are essentially roommates whonmasquerade as a couple. Though it’s true thatneveryone has many soul mates, he doesn’t seemnto be one of your more compatible ones. You’rennot too old to find someone else or to enjoy beingnsingle. In fact, we’ve known many people whonlook their best, even very s.e.x.y, in their 40s, 50s,
60s and beyond, especially if they exercise oftenn(including yoga), meditate for stress relief andnawareness, maintain diets that work for them,nsuch as whole and raw foods, avoid drugs andnexcess alcohol, and do internal cleansing. If younmake time to make the most of yourself, younwill reap the rewards. In addition, personalntiming (as disce
ed through comprehensivennumerology and astrology), not age, dictatesnwhen you’ll meet a compatible match.

As far as growing old alone goes, having anpartner now is no guarantee that he or she willnbe there later in life, or that they will be a remedynfor your loneliness. Alte
atively, invest time innquality friends and family, volunteer, turn off thenTV, and join groups that interest you, and, or getna pet.

Everyone is, for the most part, programmed fromnbirth to believe they need to find the one perfectnperson to meet all of their needs for the rest ofntheir lives. Remarkably, this is often expected bynpeople in their 20s, when they are too young tonreally know themselves. This is impossible, butnmany still strive for it and then think they or thenrelationship “failed” if their expectations aren’tnmet. Stop looking outside yourself for love or forna soul mate to fulfill your every need for the rest ofnyour life. The sooner you can do that, the happie
you’ll be.

If you are alone now or at times in-betweennrelationships, learn to love being alone; this is you
time to concentrate on other areas of life and helpnothers with what you’ve learned. Make a differencenin someone’s life and, or the world.

Finally, what is the root cause of your fear of beingnalone? Where did it all start? It’s not just becausenyou don’t like being alone. It goes much deeper thannthat. Find out through regular meditation and, or pastnlife regression. Regular meditation will also help younconnect with your higher-self and God, and with thisnawareness, it will be easier to let go of the unhealthynfear of solitude. Remember, it’s only a fear, one thatnyou have control over if you choose.

Copyright © Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo