***Menopause as Spiritual Renaissance

written by Helene Leonetti

Do you know the marvelous work by Clarissa Pinkola Estes called Women Who Run With the Wolves? If you read the Bluebeard story, you will get a picture of me. I was a chief resident when I met my soon-to-be third husband, the Robert Redford look-alike with a CV from here to Mars, who wined, dined and pursued me relentlessly until I gave up and married him, knowing that it was destined to be a deadly mismatch. I lost my identity, and all my joy and spontaneity, which had so attracted me to him, slid into oblivion, as I catapulted deeper and deeper into the abyss of depression.

Couple this with a profound sense of my own inferiority at becoming the great white physician after having been the obedient nurse – I was once made to stand when a physician entered the room – add a pathetic total absence of self-esteem and include shouldering the anger and resentments of a sixteen-year-old son desperate to be accepted by a new stepfather who had no regard for children, and I was, to say the least, vulnerable. What tossed me over the edge was a condition that I would subsequently devote much of my professional life to exploring – menopause.

I refer to this unique time in a woman’s life as a spiritual renaissance. Not because of the sundry symptoms attributed to this hallowed time including: anxiety, fear, depression, irritability, anger, crying spells, panic attacks, loss of energy, fatigue, thoughts of suicide, poor self-esteem, intolerance to noise, insomnia, confusion, short term memory loss, inability to concentrate, hot flashes, decreased libido, bladder infections, frequent urinations, incontinence, burning and drying of the vagina, constipation, diarrhea, gas, painful intercourse, night sweats, chills, dizziness, numbness, crawling feelings over your skin, growth of facial hair, drying thinning hair, brittle nails, loss of height, shifting joint pains, backache, muscle cramps and leg spasms, muscle weakness, palpitations, shortness of breath, high blood pressure, headaches, nausea, and weight gain.

Whew. And this is a spiritual renaissance?

Well, let’s think about it. The above can be explained by an admixture of hormone imbalance, inadequate exercise, unhealthy eating habits, vitamin and mineral deficiency, environmental toxins, and “stink’in think’in.” All create the crossroads of menopause, an often traumatic and overwhelming experience when we question our worth and our purpose.

Menopause is a grand wake up call. If it weren’t for these at times debilitating symptoms, most of us would continue in our semi-stupor, believing that we are suppose to be on vapors by the end of the day, leaving no time to pursue our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. How can we be role models for our children and others in our keeping if we are always neglecting our needs? Martyrdom is a lose-lose situation for everyone. Loving yourself first after loving God, then loving everyone else puts us right with the universe. Many of the symptoms above serve to get our attention, reminding us that the mind, body, spirit connection must be honored.

I spend a significant portion of every day reminding patients that we are goddesses. The very fact that we take care of everyone else’s needs first before our own affirms that we see our own needs low on the priority list. Where did this idea of nurturer to all those in our keeping arise? Can we not remember on of the greatest of God’s commandments: love they neighbor as thyself.

Your significance is a non-negotiable, non-debatable issue. You are a goddess valued and precious in your own right. So, many of us get hung up in unhealthy relationships, attached to material goods, wealth, power, position, prestige. And, too often, we forget that despite detachment from all the aforementioned, we are wonderful special human beings.

You may respond to Dr. Leonetti by email at hleonetti@boomer-living.com.