"My Recovery Changed When I Forever Gave Up The Hope Of Having A Different Past."
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I have spent a lot of time thinking about my past. Alte
ately feeling sorry for myself or being outraged at the wrongs - real or imagined - that were done to me, a constant theme in my thinking is how much different, better, happier I would be if only I hadn't had these parents, or stepparents, or those siblings, or on and on.
But it will never be different. My past will be my past always and, good or bad, it is uniquely mine. When I got to the program, I was taught that in recovery we stop fighting everybody and everything; in other words we surrender. One definition of surrender is to lay down our arms and join the winning side. By surrendering my old feelings about my past, I start to see it in a new light, and a new miracle has begun.
By working my program, I am able to make peace with my past, to look at my part and see the lessons and gifts it has to offer. In time, I come to see how valuable my experiences are, and how I can use them to help another. "One's deepest wounds, integrated, become our greatest power." Once I have healed my past, I begin to see how it can help heal another.
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