***Myths About Grief, Part 5

So far in this series of articles on the Myths of Grief we have discussed the following myths:

1) It just takes time.
2) Keep your grieving to yourself.
3) Put on a happy face. You'll feel better.
4) Be strong. Others are depending on you.

We have explored how each of these myths can keep grievers stuck in grief for longer periods of time than necessary. We have discussed how the blind acceptance of these myths can block awareness and an honest look at one's true feelings.

The next myth we will consider is: "Keep busy. You've got to go on with your life."

Quite often, after several months of grieving, the griever may begin to feel restless. There can be a strong need to stay busy and involved in a lot of activities.

About this same time family and friends may begin to express the same feelings. They may begin to encourage the griever to get involved in more activities.

Everyone is looking for change. As I said previously, grief is exhausting both physically and emotionally. And there is a huge hole in the griever's active life and in their heart. All those routine details of life abruptly ended for the griever when they experienced their loss.

But diversion through frantic activity is just that--diversion. Trying to fill the hole in one's heart with activity will not work. It will simply keep the griever busy and exhausted.

For some grievers this desire to explore new possibilities may occur after a few months. For others it may come much later.

The important consideration for those who grieve is that they be honest with themselves about their real reason for increased activities and feelings of restlessness.

Restlessness can be likened to the butterfly's first stirrings within the cocoon. It's the beginning of a new phase in the process of transformation. But transformation takes time. There is stretching and pushing and resisting and retreating. It takes effort for the butterfly to emerge from that cocoon of safety and security.

The restlessness of the grieving process can signify a very important milestone for the griever. Entering into more activities can be the next step. But the griever needs to be honest about their reasons for reaching outside of the cocoon of grief.

The next myth we will explore in this series is undoubtedly one most peoople experience in early childhood. This myth is: "Replace the loss and go on."

Childhood can be full of losses that parents try to smooth over for their children. Parents do not like to see their children grieving over the loss of a cherished pet or toy or a friend who moves away. Thus, childhood can be the beginning of denial of the feelings of grief and loss.