Nurturing a Wise Heart

Proverbs 4:23 reads, “Guard your heart above all else for it determines the course of your life.” Biblically, the heart is thought to be comprised of your intellect, emotions and human will. Nurturing a wise heart would then be reflected in your diligent efforts to maintain principle-centered values and beliefs that empower you to conduct yourself and manage your life in alignment with the expression of your wisest and strongest self. Thus Nurturing a Wise Heart requires that you begin to be mindful of underlying beliefs which have created heart attitudes that prevent you from embodying the best version of yourself. This includes taking a proactive approach towards re-scripting limiting beliefs, so that are empowered to consistently think, believe and take actions that are aligned with your core values and highest aspirations. We are all artists, in that we have the capacity to re-imagine ourselves and our circumstances. We have the freedom to choose differently so that we can experience better in life. Yet, most of our choices and much of our pursuits in life are directly linked to what we truly believe we deserve and, what we believe we are worthy and capable of having in life. Of the multitude of heart attitudes that dominate the lives of people, I believe the beliefs that “I’m not good enough” and “I can’t do any better” create the most heartache, diminishes hope and extinguishes dreams.

Remember When…

As a baby, you had no question about your right to be loved, held, or fed. When you were hungry or your diaper wet, you did not apologize for crying to get attention so that the issue could be resolved. You expected to be loved, held and fed. Then as you got older, your inner voice began to be silenced by the voices of those in authority over your life. You stopped believing and feeling that you were worthy of love and attention just because of “being you”. You were being conditioned to believe that your self-worth was based on the premise that you had to “do something” to deserve the love and attention of those around you. And when your “doing” doesn’t measure up to the expectations of others, you feel bad that you’ve disappointed them. Their disappointing reactions can often fuel negative beliefs about yourself such as, “I’m not worthy of their love and attention”. That’s far from the truth. You are worthy of love and attention, even when you make mistakes. You will not, nor can you ever be -- perfect. However, when your beliefs influence you to respond to experiences in a manner that diminishes your capacity to embody radical self-love, it is vital that you begin to identify root beliefs that are working against your best interest.

It Matters What You Believe

Over a period of time, a constant stream of negative and self-defeating thoughts will chip away at your self-esteem and self-confidence, eroding your sense of self-worth and self-confidence. In her book STOP Self-Sabotage: Get Out of Your Own Way to Earn More Money, Improve Your Relationships and Find the Success You Desire, Pat Pearson M.S.S.W. wrote, “You can’t get and keep what you want if you don’t believe you deserve it. We get what we believe we deserve. No more, no less. We never exceed our own expectations, at least not for long.” Pearson goes on to say, “Before you can have more in your life, you have to follow the ancient maxims, “know yourself”. Because we don’t allow ourselves to have what we want until we believe – truly believe – that we deserve it”. Many of your unconscious beliefs pose no threat to your ability to actualize your potential, however, when you find yourself thinking “Everyone deserves better, but not me”, “I’m not good enough (not smart enough and so on…)”, “I haven’t suffered enough”, “It’s too good; I don’t deserve it”, this line of thinking reflects the inner disposition of your thoughts and emotions. If these attitudes are not challenged, they will rob you of the possibility of reigning in life and experiencing God’s good plan for your life.

Getting to the Root of Your Beliefs

Your internal foundation of your sense of self-worth and self-confidence was formed early in life, however, do not discount the influence that the people you presently associate with, the activities and environments you engage in are impacting your sense of self-worth and confidence as an adult. When you were growing up, your emotional interpretations of experiences determined a lot of what you felt and thought about yourself. These impressions created the emotional “meaning” you’ve attached to these experiences. They are referred to as psychological imprints. Psychological imprints create the inner-filtering system that forms your world views. Your perception of these experiences influence your explanatory style, i.e. the manner in which you “tell your story” about life experiences. Your storytelling is either strengthening and empowering you, or it is weakening and discouraging you. Your explanation of how an experience affected your life shapes the beliefs, assumptions and perceptions that you have toward similar experiences. So, if you have had a number of psychological imprints when you were younger that left you feeling devalued and incapable, these impressions can certainly be a root cause of any low self-esteem and self-confidence that you experience. Identifying childhood experiences associated with any negative beliefs about yourself provide opportunities to “flip the script” on these limiting stories and cultivate an empowering perspective of yourself. The ability to reframe your thinking gives you the power to re-script negative experiences in such a way that they no longer shackle you to past experiences which make you feel less confident and powerless over your present challenges and opportunities. Pearson wrote, “Your beliefs as a child nurtured the “Deserve Covenant” you have with yourself. This covenant effects the choice of people you love and the quality of your relationships, the career you choose to the amount of money you believe you are deserving to earn. And depending on your programming, you either believe you are supposed to be successful or you expect to barely make it.” As a child, you hadn’t learned how to fully harness your cognitive ability to process how you were treated and what you were told about yourself to consider the long-term implications on your life. Today, as an adult, you have developed your reasoning ability, so you can consider how the impressions of childhood experiences strengthen or weaken your sense of self-worth and self-confidence. For those beliefs that are not relevant to the achievement of what you truly want in your adult life, you have the authority to re-script or dismiss them.

The Difference betwee Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Pearson defines self-esteem as, “the unconditional acknowledgement of your self-worth and lovability. You are acknowledged for “being” a good person. This creates your sense of being worthy of deserving what you want.” She defines self-confidence as, “the conditional acknowledgement for your performance.” The acknowledgement for “doing” something well helps you develop the belief that you can learn what you need to know and earn as much as you are willing to work to earn. You never have to apologize for what you want and what you’re willing to work for to experience. Embody your power to create a life that you love living.

Tips for Nurturing Positive Self-Esteem - (Your “Being)

1.List five of positive personal attributes. 2.List five good things about each of these attributes as to how they make you look, feel, think, act towards life. 3.Pray or meditate on developing a self-identity that is deserving of God’s best for you.

Tips for Building Self-Confidence – (Your “Doing”)

1.Break a large project into smaller tasks to better manage it. 2.Acknowledge your success after the completion of each step. Celebrate at key milestones to help maintain your motivation and momentum towards the attainment of your goal. 3.Master a new skill. Think about a moment in the past in which you had to demonstrate resiliency to overcome a situation and create better in your life. This moment, and others like it has prepared you to successfully take on your present challenges and opportunities with confidence. Remember to remember your past victories. This habit will strengthen your resolve and belief in yourself. And as you strengthen your ability to succeed in the present, develop the foresight to understand the importance of making a connection to what you’re presently doing and how your actions are creating the future you will live. Being mindful of this connection nurtures a wise heart.