On Being Sad

The funeral was Friday. Perhaps you read our last post, so you knew it was coming. We knew it was coming, too, after a 15 month battle with cancer…but it was still beyond painful. Our dearest friend of nearly 30 years is gone. He was 39 and leaves behind a 16 year old son and a 9 year old daughter. My husband was a pallbearer and I spoke at the funeral–perhaps the most difficult 10 minute talk I’ll ever give. There is no other word to describe what its been like around here. Its just Sad. We are sad. The circumstance is sad. The story is sad. Everything about it is sad.

And that’s ok.

We are being sad around here. But we are not going to stay here. No one gets to tell us its “going to be ok” or “at least he is in a better place.” Of course it is, and absolutely he is. But it still doesn’t make any of this easier on Earth. If you are sad today, or know someone who is, share these steps in moving past loss and sadness. So here’s what we do (may it serve you, too):

1. We FEEL sad. We don’t stuff it, try to go around it, or try to put a happy face on.

2. We let go of what everyone else thinks we should do to “get over it.”

3. We checked out of the checklist for a while. Facebook, Twitter and the office didn’t collapse in the wake of taking last week off.

4. Despite our sadness, we still make it ok to laugh. Its the best therapy.

5. We hug a lot. We pray a lot.

6. We ignore everyone’s timeline, but stay purposeful about moving forward on our own.

7. Still, we enlist loving, compassionate people in our lives who will hold us accountable so we don’t get stuck.

8. Lastly, we help lift others out of their own sadness.

And that’s the point. To eventually come out of our sadness. To eventually watch the rain turn to sunshine and watch the flowers bloom. When I spoke at Chris’s funeral, most of it was to honor his gift of making all of us laugh. He had an innate ability to spread joy and laughter wherever he was- even while he was in the hospital. It was standing room only that day, a true testament to how many loved him and the impact he made on so many. The entire room laughed for at least half the service because we all had such great memories of Chris making us laugh. Wherever our craziest adventures were, or our most hilarious comedies, he was right in the middle of them.

I know he was thrilled to see us from Heaven at his funeral- proud of how many showed up to honor him, and glad to see us all laugh. Through this, he is teaching us. He is teaching us how to have the right perspective on everything in our lives. It forces us to feel things and experience things that are no fun sometimes. But it always, always gives way to great perspective and appreciation for the miracles and gifts around us each day.

So if you are feeling sad today, know that you are not alone and it’s allowed. But don’t stay there. Beyond that sadness–moreover, through that sadness, is a great celebration for life. You’ll need to look for it. You’ll need to go after it. And we know right now, that seems impossible. But its not. Even if its too painful to take baby steps right now, just know its okay to crawl. That is how you will one day learn (or re-learn) to walk. And then, to run.

Let it out. Tomorrow, we’re talking about Joy. Its just around the corner…. see you there.