Out Of The Wound Comes The Gift

OUT OF THE WOUND COMES THE GIFT:
Forgiveness opens the door to Creative Intelligence

What is Creative Intelligence? What is that emptiness that seemingly gives form to everything? Creative Intelligence is Source, Love, God, the Essence of who I am. Deep within, like a silent reflecting pool of stillness, I find that Essence. Forgiveness accesses that Essence. I want to forgive. Forgive myself for not knowing how to forgive. Forgiveness has set me free.

If we create our own reality, why then was my reality, not the reality that I intended? I had placed my order in the cosmic kitchen many times. What I got was rarely what I ordered. I believe the universe delivers according to the vibration we put out. Anger and resentment depletes the life force and weakens our request to the universe. It prevents conscious manifestation.

We are all artists, every one of us. We craft our lives according to the family blueprint. I grew up as a sad little girl, feeling isolated and separate. I watched my dysfunctional family, like actors on a stage, perform the same story lines over and over again. I knew that I was different, but I wanted to be like everyone else. That was safer.The imprints of powerlessness deeply imprinted themselves on my cellular memory, so to “honor” the genetic line of codependency, I gave away my power and placed my husband in charge of my life.

About one year into my life as a new bride, I developed a headache—nothing that a couple of Tylenols couldn’t fix. Tomorrow, I would surely feel better. Definitely, the day after that. I increased the medication, added Valium to the mix, then anti-depressants. No change. Life became like a funk. My world shrank to just the bare essentials. I needed sixteen hours of sleep a day. I was tired, always tired. Tired of doing too much thinking. Tired of being angry and keeping my heart closed. For fifteen long years the headache never went away.

“Your biography becomes your biology”, said Caroline Myss. The childhood messages that we receive live in this “basket” called the body. I internalized and embodied old messages from the culture and from my parents. The headache was the messenger to stop thinking and start feeling.

The headache was alerting me that I lived in the head and not in the heart. Feeling my feelings of anger at the world, anger at my family, anger at my husband. Mostly anger at myself for allowing these life-taking situations into my life. Anger saved my life. I was about to come out of the safety zone. Marriage is not supposed to be a safety net. I divorced my husband. For the first time I felt powerful and… afraid. Layers of anger, then layers of fear had kept my heart closed. Healing is feeling. The flood gates opened. The healing balm of forgiveness could flow through my being. Over time, the headache completely disappeared.
The ultimate forgiveness is forgiveness of self. Nothing else matters. My family, my ex-husband were simply mirrors reflecting my unexamined wounds.

“No problem can be resolved at the level at which it is created,” Einstein said. Not forgiving kept me in the wound, in the pain. It keeps the suffering “alive”. Old patterns repeat. Forgiveness lifts us into a higher frequency. It reconnects us to Source. It fills your tank.

Like a dog chasing its tail, the headache was telling me I was spinning around in my head, simultaneously trying to feel and avoid feeling. I learned to listen to the language of my body. I learned ways to be, breathe and release. Later on, I developed and expanded these ways to serve my clients.

Now, instead of just ignoring when I feel hurt, I now notice when anger builds up and I feel violated. I use to smile, even when my body alerted me that all was not well. Now I pay attention. My heart now wants to be free to express. I choose to feel, forgive and release. I forgive all the actors who played their part in the screenplay that I created for my life. Mostly I forgive myself.

When I feel clear and current with my feelings, it is easy to give love. It’s a natural extension of Source energy flowing through me. When I give from emptiness, my energy is depleted. My tank empty. True change has to come from within by letting the light of forgiveness reach down to the cellular level and shed the layers of illusion, the lies we embodied and mistook for truth.

Even now, I notice myself making an assumption, projecting blame or jumping to some quick unexamined conclusion. In each moment that I step out of the wound, the gift is reclaimed. Like a healing balm, a gentle breeze, present moment awareness gently shifts and transforms the old landscape, the cellular memory. Like rocks being cleared out of a riverbed, forgiveness restores the flow.

The veil of illusion has lifted. The past is released. Attention is in the present.
I can now use my gifts of teacher and healer authentically rather than through the narrow lens of my unfinished business.

Even though I am still “under construction”, forgiving has put a bounce in my step and a lightness in my heart. I am committed to master my thoughts, my emotions, and take responsibility for how they impact my physical body.

Out of the wound, comes the gift.
Adapted from: A Guide to Getting It: Creative Intelligence.
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