Removing The Safety Space Between You And Life

REMOVING THE SAFETY SPACE BETWEEN YOU AND LIFEnBy
Bill Cottringe
n In a recent movie, "Lions for Lambs," the truth of life was pursued to the end from three different directions by three great movie stars, who probably weren’t acting: Tom Cruise, the ambitious politician, Meryl Streep, the ethical jou
alist, and Robert Redford, the intellectual professor/activist. The heart of the movie was about the most compelling question we have—what are we going to do about the real problems today before the “adulthood” gatekeeper of our comfort zone puts too much safety space between us and life?

We are all given the opportunity to select from the roles of being heroes, bystanders, victims or villains in life. But we all know in our mind’s eye and heart of hearts that heroes have more authentic fun, genuine success and real peace from knowing they played the right role to the best of their ability, to make a real difference doing or dying for what they believe. So why do so many people choose the other three roles?

Being a hero requires making some very tough choices to remove the safety space between them and life, which the other roles are so good at increasing. Here are these three roles compared. Which one are you playing and how much safety space between you and life needs to go to make progress at becoming a hero?

HERO

Heroes aren’t afraid to make tough ‘do or die’ choices, dream about big outcomes, translate their dreams into concrete goals, work hard to leave their legacy, remain flexible or keep the tenacity to never quit. Heroes devote their life to becoming the best they can be, whether it is President of the United States, a mother, a soldier, an athlete, a student or a volunteer in a nursing home. They have discovered a uniquely private mission and use their special talents to carry out that driving purpose without any hesitation or safety space.

Heroes are positive and optimistic because they have worked hard to gain a sure sense that they can influence their future and make a positive difference. They acquire this confidence by learning from their failures, correcting mistakes, assuming responsibility for all the choices they make, and persevering past the point at which most people quit. Most of all they make the tough choice to do or die, without relying on any safety space.

Heroes are often envied by those playing other roles, who only see the glory and miss all the tragedies that a person has to put into being a hero. Most heroes spend a lifetime becoming an ove
ight success as the saying goes. Incidentally, many heroes are too busy "heroing" that they don't even see themselves that way. The best heroes are quiet achievers who are showing other people the folly of adding more safety space in between you and life in playing these other unnatural roles.

VILLAIN

Probably the main mistake most villains make is taking themselves too seriously, in being too sure that their wrong behavior is somehow justified by circumstances or by the end they are after. And they have plenty of negative safety space between what they are doing and what they should be doing. The worst sort of villain has convinced him or herself that wrong behavior is actually right behavior. Unfortunately, both these positions are highly resistive to positive change, short of a lightening bolt and losing in the do or die choice.

Typical behaviors of a villain are judging, accusing, rationalizing, bullying, hurting, destroying and dominating. Villains are characteristically mean, rude, insensitive, conceited and selfish. The object of a villain seems to be to infringe upon the basic needs and cherished values of others, such as freedom, equality, honesty, compassion, acceptance, love and understanding.

Do villains serve any positive purpose? I think that they do a few good things. First they serve as a warning for the rest of us as a way not to be. Secondly they confirm the rightness of being a hero. And thirdly, they challenge the rest of us to figure out how to deal with them effectively. This challenge helps make many heroes.

What is the best way to deal with villains? Tolerate them until they offend your soul and then act as a hero yourself without relying on any safety space between you and your choices.

VICTIM

Becoming a victim is often the result of some back luck with life circumstances and faulty thinking that makes things worse. Many people playing the victim role start out with the right intention of being a hero, but get discouraged along the way. They give up on their dreams because they don’t have the ability or desire to weather disappointment and failure. Or, they are not willing to make the necessary sacrifices or exchanges. Other times they simply run out of steam trying to get somewhere, but getting nowhere. The trouble is, there is no real action to change anything to remove the safety space between them and life.

Being a victim leads people to have a viewpoint that life is working against them. They are convinced that there is absolutely nothing they can do to change things for the better, no matter what they do. So why even bother trying? And of course the less they try to control things and get somewhere, the more out of practice they get. The resulting mental inertia is psychically paralyzing, resulting in way too much safety space between them and life.

BYSTANDER

Perhaps the weakest role a person can choose to play in life is that of a bystander. This is where artificial safety space replaces real living. Bystanders are neutral on issues, apathetic, uninvolved, and trapped within there own minds with the single purpose of creating more safety space. They stand around on the sidelines passively watching everyone else having fun playing the other roles. Bystanders are stuck in inaction and lack of involvement in anything. Life passes them by. Sometimes they don't know how to live, sometimes they are afraid to take any chances, and sometimes they are just waiting for someone else to ask them to join in all the fun. They are super-glued to the comfort of their safety space.

Just like being a victim, a person can get trapped within the vicious circle nature of "bystanding." It is like standing on a high dive being afraid to jump off. The longer you wait, the more frightening even the idea of jumping becomes. By that time you have become an inseparable part of the diving board and can't even get down the latter. Sooner or later, though, we all wake up to the fact that we really cannot not participate in life. All the roles are choices that have outcomes, even thinking we are not playing one.

My deepest suspicion is that we were all born to become heroes. The hero role is the only one that seems to bring genuine happiness, contentment and success. This role is also the easiest one to play, because all you have to be is your natural self. Playing the other roles is actually more difficult and involves more work in increasing safety space.

Here is something to think about--are we destined to play a particular role in this play of life or is that thought just more safety space between us and life? Living your answer to that question may be a do or die response.

In the meantime, if you are playing any other role and don't like the consequences, the potential opportunity to choose to be a hero is always there. The roles of villain, victim and bystander are all the wrong choices, but they are only temporary mistakes of loitering, waiting to be rectified. All you have to do is give up all the unsmart work you are doing to preserve your comfort zone of safety space, situation by situation and choice by choice, right now. nnnnn